Hi everyone,
Just like the title says: i’m not sure why i’m here.
It’s currently 10:43am in my country, i’m in my kitchen and my mom is in the living room completely oblivious of what I am writing. (and for that I am thankful )
So, how should I start?
I am what most of the people call “perfect”. Sometimes I just want to laugh out loud when they say that.
“You are literally perfect!”
“I sooo want to be you!”
“Your life is just awesome and… perfect!”
just shoot me in the head the next time you say that instead.
I. Am. Not. Perfect.
No one is perfect!!
I feel so empty, sure I have really good friends, I laugh and live my life like I should. I’m going to college in a few days, I had my first date (I think) and everything is okay. But not?
Why do I feel so, empty? Pathetic? Alone? Feel like crying every night, but can’t?
Or when I came home from hanging out with my crush : feel super happy and giddy. And then just, all the negative thoughts come back: pathetic, insecure,…empty .
Am I the only one? Am I the only one who’s life isn’t the worst, it’s just you? Yourself that’s not okay ? That’s somehow, something is just not right? Why can’t I feel anything?
I haven’t told anyone, not even my bestest of friend.Just because I don’t know what i’m Feeling. I just feel like… empty.
There’s no other words to describe this feeling!!
I had thoughts, bad ones, picturing myself dying. Wondering what it feels like. I’m too scared to die, and i have so much reasons not to. And I know that. I know I’m not going to kill myself. I know that. I really do.
It’s just sometimes, I am at this stage where I just wonder.
Just please, let me know if I’m not alone in this.
I have other things to tell you, who ever is reading this. Or at least didn’t stop reading halfway. But I’ll just wait before doing so.
Thank you, and yeah
Until next time….
9 comments
I just came here and read your post. Surprisingly, I was just going to post something similar to what you have. I too know people who think I’m perfect or have a great life. They don’t really know me. They don’t get how we feel. Unlike you though, I have told a few close friends about how I feel and I’m not sure that they totally understand. Most just think that I’m not fighting it enough, well, I think you know how much of a fight it is for us. I have a crush who I love talking to as well and same as you, a lot of negative thoughts rush into my head often. And yes I do cry a lot. So to conclude, you are definitely not alone. In fact I came here with the intention of finding someone nice to talk to because I feel lonely as shit right now and just can’t get myself together. so if you do wanna talk, I’m right here 🙂
Hi infinitePrime! I am glad to know I’m not the only one feeling this way, that I’m not alone. it makes me feel a lot better already. I would love to talk to you more because I too feel really lonely. Just like you said, others don’t know how much of a fight it is! And I really doubt that any of my friends would understand… No matter how close I am with them. Thank you again for understanding and letting me know I am not alone in this 🙂
You aren’t alone at all. I’m so glad that you feel much better. do you wanna talk over email?
Yes! that would be great!!
Okay my email is infiniteprimehelp@gmail.com
That could’ve been my post way back when. But the internet didn’t exist as we know it. But I did write it down.
I understand how it is to be perfect.
Hi clipped-wings! You said that it could’ve been your post. So what about now? Do you feel any better? Thank you for reading and understanding 🙂
Well, I fell from that pedestal I was on. Kicked myself in the butt for a while for screwing up then moved on. I survived.
Yeah I get it. People can’t understand why I feel like I do. It’s frustrating, isn’t it? You are definitely not alone