Alone

I lost all my friends kicked a few out my life cause either they were toxic or to busy to be in my life.i grew really codependent on this one freind telling her and trusting her with my whole life.then she ran off and abandoned me. The beginning of this year a few months in at least it hurt a lot and ive tried to kill myself several times over it i still want to die because of it.cause she knows my whole life and even though she betrayed me shes still really the only person i csn trust. Cause i have a lot of dark secrets.and shes the only one i know who can see past evil things i did in my past.im also the black sheep in the family i don’t go to college work im the mentally ill one.im the one with no boyfriend and the relationship i had i don’t even count cause a lady at are program was trying to hook me up with this guy cause i admitted to her i did want a boyfriend but she was trying to hook me up with another guy to even before i asked this guy out and when i did it was mostly not a good match and didn’t even end the matchmaker thats what well call her got in trouble for some shady business not sure exactly what she got fired and i got kicked out of the program cause i showed up said i couldn’t be there without a doctors note cause id been in the hospital i didnt plan on coming back anyway i just wanted to say bye to the other members but they didn’t give me that liberty they immediately put me on a bus and sent me home i wasnt upset about that though i was upset about the fact that they sent a letter saying the reason i couldn’t return was i didnt show up i did show up they kicked me out of the building. So now i pretty spend all my time with therapist lying telling me theyll find me friends once im stable like thatll ever happen ive been in check with suicide since i was 15 i just havent hit checkmate yet.so i guess im doomed.