i have been thinking more and more frequently about suicide, i am relapsing in my eating disorder, my anxiety about my future is insurmountable, and i hate myself more than ever – you can see why im dreading health class this year. i will be surrounded by people i dont know and forced to sit and listen to talks about suicidal thoughts and the symptoms of eating disorders and write papers and take tests like i dont want to fucking off myself. just the thought of having to listen to all these different things that i secretly already understand far too well makes me want to curl up in a ball and cry.
is that stupid? how should i deal with it?