i have been thinking more and more frequently about suicide, i am relapsing in my eating disorder, my anxiety about my future is insurmountable, and i hate myself more than ever – you can see why im dreading health class this year. i will be surrounded by people i dont know and forced to sit and listen to talks about suicidal thoughts and the symptoms of eating disorders and write papers and take tests like i dont want to fucking off myself. just the thought of having to listen to all these different things that i secretly already understand far too well makes me want to curl up in a ball and cry.
is that stupid? how should i deal with it?
2 comments
You could tell the teacher to please be mindful when discussing those topics because it brings up bad memories for you if you don’t want to tell them you’re struggling with it now. And maybe you can bring a lot of insight to this class instead of keeping it inside and you can act like you’re talking about another person. It might be really painful and hard but sarcasms there for you as well as people <3 . hang in there
I love it, because everywhere you go, there are flyers saying “suicide prevention” or “if you are suicidal, speak up.” or “if you disclose thoughts of suicide, there will be consequences..” so then you have to sit there and shut your mouth and pretend that you aren’t going to commit by the time the year is gone….. its hard to sit and pretend you shouldn’t have killed yourself many years back. But I’m the type completely against interference, I mean, I myself, will do nothing to prevent it because my entire life has been waiting to kill myself. I’ll never call a hotline, but I 100% will commit. It’s just those little tiny things, that make you want to jump off the edge.