I feel very alone in this world. I have experienced already a lot in life, the good and the bad. I am still in my late twenties, but I feel like I have lived long enough. I don’t really have a desire to continue with life. I feel incredibly guilty, because I do have a good life. But I just don’t want it. It’s really exhausting for me to live.. I don’t want to cause any harm or pain to anyone.. but living is really painful for me. I just wish I would have never been born. I also really don’t want to die painfully or violently. I just want to peacefully end this existence.. not just to vanish. I want to celebrate everything I was given in this life, say thank you to every person who touched my heart, feel deep gratitude, see the beauty of earth one more time and then just be done with it.
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Whatever you choose to do, I hope you find peace.
I, too, am done with life.
I’m in my mid twenties and I’ve felt that I’ve lived enough. My life was terrible and then as of recently it was mostly alright. Still is. I’ve experienced a few things too. I guess I feel very lost. Idk. I don’t really see the point. I’m pondering about December…
I’m curious pilgrim- if you were to take that time to celebrate your life, give gratitude to those who touched you (and likely see you have touched their hearts too) , see the beauty of earth, and such before going,
Are you sure that after experiencing that kind of ‘childlike innocence’ of rose-coloured glasses 1 last time, you would want to go?
yes, this childlike innocence would probably make me want to stay.. there are so many people I deeply care about and I do not want to hurt them and I also don’t want to leave them. The thought of leaving them pains me. But the problem is life pains me constantly.. it’s a stereotype but I am too sensitive for this society. I care too much and I feel too deeply.. and I just don’t know how to live like this in a world that doesn’t care. I love people but there is (almost) always some egoistical trait in people. I am not tough enough for the world. I could cry about the stupidity of humanity. Why are we behaving like this? I am not even sure if I am depressed.. I guess a bit, but not too much. It’s pretty much that I rationally believe there is too much suffering on earth. Everyone suffers, even the rich and the beautiful.. everyone. A change in my outer circumstances would not change my inability to cope with this “coldness”. But I am a peaceful person after all, I cannot be violent towards myself (or others) and suicide is so violent. Also it would leave too much pain for my loved ones. So I mostly just pray to die, because what else is there left?
You are right about the coldness and horrors of the world, and the egotistical nature of most of us in it.
There remain some of us, though, who are highly sensitive and see/experience more depth in relationships (platonic or otherwise), smell every fragrance of the wind, hear what is both said and left unsaid.
It may not have crossed your mind that you may very well be that shimmer of light in your loved ones lives who they know they can reach to when they are facing something most the world would simply shove off with some insensitive euphamism.
I know it’s not easy to fight. I know life is the toughest battle anyone faces, but its even more so for us with mental health disorders like depression.
Fight. One day at a time. One moment at a time.
I’ve always been kind of scared of dying painfully but when I prep for my suicide I always know the pain will be tremendous but only last a fraction of a moment and then you will never feel a thing
I do fear life more than suicide I think because then you have to live with pain and agony and it doesn’t cease in an instant ..
I know I never want to get older..
How old are you now COD:S?
I’m not looking for empathy, I don’t want a future or something kind said to soothe me, haha. I just don’t have those beliefs!! I am 24….. no desire to continue living since a young teenager. Ready to die at moments notice..
How old are you?
I’m sorry if I left you feeling like I was minimizing your feelings or invalidating them, I don’t mean to.
I think that there is still some hope inside you that may spark into a fire for life if you were to find such beauty and golden hearted people within your life.