I am running out of time

I feel sick and I feel like I’m running out of time. I can’t take it anymore. I watch the people around and I feel so lonely. I can’t do anything and I can’t talk to them, they don’t want to deal with me at all, I know that now. I feel like a tool, like a commodity, like an object to be thrown away in the end, and that end is coming. I picked a date over the summer and that date is coming quickly. I thought that if I had done something with my life that things would change I’d feel better but things haven’t. I realize how stagnant I really am and that nothing changes. Everything hurts now.

I remember that when I was elementary school, that we’d get a little worksheet to fill out our goals for the new year. I remember always putting that I wanted more friends, always. Now, though, I still have the same amount of friends but they’re just so shallow, at least to me they are. I’m always going to be left in the dust so why bother keeping up anymore. I’m such a waste anyways. I realized that the cost of a funeral is cheaper than to keep going.