I found this blog today.
I though it’d be nice to connect and speak with some people while I plan my last days, and if I can be of any help to anyone.
I’m 2-3 weeks out to my final plan if all goes well. It’ll be exit bag and ********.
I’m 35 years old, corporate tech professional. The reason to end my life is pretty simple, I’ve seen what this world is about and I don’t want a part of it.
I’ve isolated myself from people and quit my soul sucking job where I was bullied and harassed by my entitled coworkers. My job/profession was all I was living for since my family consists of egocentric psychotic narcissistic bullies, and I’ve always been on the receiving end so as to do my duty.
But I can’t cheat myself into having hope for a better future anymore.
So this will be the end to my tour on this planet.
I live in the US and have lived in the EU as well. Right now I’m abroad in my ‘country of birth’ which I consider a fuck all place so will not talk about that.
Looking forward to speaking with you all.
Best.
15 comments
November, pull the trigger
new song, during the summer, then fall
the agreement on the covenant
the message, shall be known.
Greeting and welcome to the site. Feel free to post whatever you want about anything you want. Here you won’t be judged and people are always very supportive.
We also have a KIK chat room as well. if you’re interested, feel free to just comment the username and I can add you to it.
We’d also love to hear more about your story. Prehaps you could post about everything in your life that’s led up to this point. It would give us a great perspective on you and understanding your reasons for wanting to end it
Or you can also just post about dancing penguins or something, that’s fine too.
Wish you the best of luck
First born, and the last.
Words of ultimate, faith.
Holy Grail, to the Ark
The protector, and guardian.
@darkwillow : Thank you for your support.
I’ll try to describe as best as I can, or as best as I understand the situation myself.
I’d say that I have a medium level of life troubles- not homelessness or physical abuse or drug addiction etc. I’m from the middle class, so not rich or anything, but a dysfunctional family- so around lot’s of personal hate and oppression of women- with both male and female bullies.
I realized that on this planet people would rather fight to be right than work together to build something better. My older psycho (diagnosed but untreated) sister (my only sibling) was my first experience in that, she learnt that her love for me means she could bully me and if she convinces everyone that everything I did was wrong, she always gets to be the responsible one. I was always asked to obey being the younger, which I did, but that only encouraged her egocentric narcissistic tendencies- she never learnt to work with people and is bitter because she failed in her profession later in life because of this – and is unable or unwilling to change herself.
I on the other hand was a people’s person, loved by all, accommodating, positive, all in all someone who could work with people- that by the way was the secret of my little achievements in life- which has made her jealous and she remains confused of her feelings of jealousy and love for me.
Anyways, childhood is a very important time. So I think it all started from there.
So I accepted all this and dove into my work, worked hard to leave the narrow minded culture of my shithole country to get an education in the US, naive and excited after college. Did OK, took my own decisions, made some mistakes (but now in retrospect everything I did looks like a mistake), worked in EU then went back home between jobs to help out with the deteriorating family situation, but got stuck there due to the bureaucracy of this country and family members- So now I have gaps on my resume which I can’t justify professionally- Finally my job in the US came through and I decided to never come back again to this country again.
I decided to work hard like I did before and was sure I’d be able to pick myself up. But the group I ended up working with were all entitled spoiled incompetent and unqualified ‘children’ – all knew each other from school and their self proclaimed ‘leader’ was in direct relationship with the management.
I wasn’t supported in my work because I was better than them and they were afraid for their jobs that Mommy and Daddy had scored for them, and I should have been diplomatic but I was professional and clear about their work abilities, so obviously I was not supported by anyone, and proven wrong wit every decision. This is where I realized that my sister and family have bullied me so much that I’ve put everything into my profession to escape them BUT even here I’m running into the same kind of bullying.
I grew up in a pretty idealistic environment with what I think of now as somewhat unrealistic expectations. I think I never found a good balance of realistic demands of myself so I need to do more and don’t have much satisfaction. I moved around a lot (military background) so change is sort of rooted in me. For me change is exciting. Change is life. But constantly being put down when young and now after this job, I fear change although I crave it and need it to live and love. After my father passed away 2 years ago, my sister became the self proclaimed leader (putting me down again as worthless and irresponsible) and unable to accomodate to the change. So connected to the remaing family members is like being choked and trapped and being proven wrong in every decision you take all over again.
I think it’s just extended loneliness and a lack of a deeper connection with life and authentic people that I’ve just decided that’s it’s enough now.
I’ve been thinking about the reason for my depressed attitude for years. It’s still hard to put all this in perspective for someone new, so it may seem incomplete or have holes. But it’s hard and pointless to talk about in detail.
Sorry if this is too long of a reply, dancing penguins would probably have been a better reply 🙂
I related to this:
…soul sucking job where I was bullied and harassed by my entitled coworkers. My job/profession was all I was living for…
My previous two jobs were so abusive I just wanted kill myself in their front entrances. It was very risky to leave a high paying job and go self employed but I had to leave or else, I saw no other way at the time. They lost a valuable (but not valued) employee of 10 years in a place where experience really counted.
My self employment income was iffy. So I took another job. At first all was well but soon abuse started up again. I did not hold out so long this time. They lost a valuable (but not valued) employee of 3 years in a place where my previous industry experience really counted.
What happened next still seems surreal. Days after the leaving that job an old acquaintance called and asked me to consider looking at what he to offer. I was a good fit, the compensation was about right, but here is the real gold : he had seen in his previous place of work the high cost of work place abuse both to individuals and to the company bottom line as well. He vowed to keep his work place a safe one for us all. That was years ago and he has kept his word.
I see you left the soul suckers and I wish you well in the future. Leaving a job can be a gamble but maybe the bigger gamble would have been staying there.
Wow, you managed to find a job (or rather they found you) with a good work environment. That is so RARE. Honestly, the jobs that I’ve had sucked so bad was not because of the job itself, but having to deal with sh*tty coworkers and even sh*ttier bosses.
Exactly. Abusive coworkers and incredibly sick bosses, all the while the work itself being quite good.
Hm, what jobs can you do where you don’t have to deal with humans??
I know. 🙂 I had been cultivating the relationship with the owner for some time at social functions when we crossed paths. We like each other. Our spouses have great respect for one another.
Instead of these humans (owner, manager, and coworkers alike) being the problem, they are are people I am drawn to. That relationship was cultivated for years with the owner. It is clear to see he hand picks his people with the criteria being non-assholes who can find a way to get the work done all the while being excellent to one another. It it RARE indeed.
I had one other job, long ago, where a relationship lead to the hiring. Every thing was fine for almost a decade and then the property owner refused to renew the lease to the business. Bye bye job.
But yes, the humans are the make or break almost every time and about half the places I have worked they sucked badly.
I’m 35 years old, corporate tech professional. The reason to end my life is pretty simple, I’ve seen what this world is about and I don’t want a part of it. –> YES
I’ve isolated myself from people and quit my soul sucking job where I was bullied and harassed by my entitled coworkers. My job/profession was all I was living for since my family consists of egocentric psychotic narcissistic bullies, and I’ve always been on the receiving end so as to do my duty. –> YES
But I can’t cheat myself into having hope for a better future anymore. –> And YES
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I can totally relate to all of the above. When you work so hard to get out of a bad situation, dive yourself into work and success because you think that’s the secret to creating a better life for yourself, only to find that that’s all BS too. You look around and all you see is ugliness. I have lost hope in humanity, as well as in myself.
Do you have like your own family or some kind of intimate relationship?
Thanks for your comments guys!
I think a little flexibility and openmindedness goes a long way.
It’s unrealistic to expect too much from one person.
Just small simple gestures from all of us is what makes up the whole.
Welcome.. I hope your last few weeks are as pleasant as possible and that everything goes smoothly with your exit and that you find the peace that life makes impossible for so many.
I have also lost hope of things ever getting better.