I’d been musing on this one. Why is it that finding out that others have the same pain seems to make the pain less bad?
It seems like there is something about knowing that we have something in common with others that comforts us.
Is it a good thing? Is it harmful?
4 comments
Interesting point you raised. It does make it seem less painful since we know other people have gone through the same thing and can relate.
Also, people who haven’t experienced depression or anxiety, for example, are not believed by others who haven’t gone through it themselves and are usually not sympathetic to their suffering.
It might not solve your immediate problems but it lessens the blow one feels from whatever crisis we’re experiencing at the time.
At the end of the day though, our happiness or lack thereof is mostly in our own hands. For instance, if you work at a bad job, you can always find another one that is less stressful, I’ve seen people do it. In no way am I saying change is easy, it’s not but it is not impossible to do.
Of course there are some issues that are beyond someone’s control like mental illness in which case they need professional help. But if it’s something like being in an abusive home or relationship, those can be dealt with, or being out of shape, etc.
In short if it’s something you have the power to change and no one is stopping you, then people who persist in a bad state or situation in life only have themselves to blame for not making that change.
I’m actually going through something like that myself right now. My sleep cycle is messed up and I’m trying to get it back to normal-it’s crucial that I do but it’s been a struggle because I’m dealing with other unexpected issues that arise. But I’m sure I’ll have it under control in a few weeks or so.
I guess it means that we are not alone and that we are not exceptionally dumb/unlucky/something. I’m not exactly sure either, to be honest…
Maybe because it adds perspective and instills gratitude on some occasions. On the flip side, it fuels our need to enjoy someone else’s suffering, both of which alter how we feel about our own pain.
Realizing that, while I am in pain for certain reasons, then hearing that “someone else” experienced a similar situation with much more tragic results, makes me sit back and take a deep breath, thanking my lucky stars that I didn’t experience what they did – suddenly, my situation just ain’t as bad as I thought it was. Perspective has set in. I can now have sympathy for the other person, which somehow or other makes me feel a bit better, eases my pain a bit.
And then, on that nasty dark flip side, if I hear about the trials and tribulations of someone I despise, an evil happiness overtakes me, and I rejoice not only in the fact that I again, don’t have it as bad as so and so, but that they have it so much worse than me. I now dance and revel in smug satisfaction, because I think so and so is a schmuck and is getting what they deserve. Not normally the best way to do things , but it is what it is.
Is it a good thing? I suppose it can be called good if it relieves my worry. As for being harmful, it’s obviously not the best practice to enjoy another’s misfortune, but it’s a human characteristic, and we’re stuck with it.
I don’t think it’s about enjoying someone else misfortune. I think it’s more about knowing that you’re not alone, you don’t deserve this, you’re not weak for feeling this way because others feel it too. I think it’s healthy to realize all of that. Also it’s never good to bottle things up. It has to go somewhere eventually and it’s better just to share your experience with caring people who have been through similar situations.