As I have no idea where to start, I will begin this post with whatever come to my mind.
It been 4 years since I have entered uni and it’s currently one of the worst time in my life. I could have chosen a different field, a different school but no, my parent doesnt allow me to do that. Living in an Asian country doesnt give you much choice beside businessman, engineer and doctor. But because engineer and doctor do not make as much money as businessman (according to my father) so I had to attend the business school to have a stable income. After 4 years of studying, I have repeated subjects several times and even took a pause from my uni in January. Since then, nothing much has changed. I have to lie to them despite feeling no guilty about it. Self-harm started to kick in in the form of nail biting and dermatophagia (aka skin eating). Then I started asking what the fck am I doing with my life. Having no close friend or anyone else beside my parents, I find it such a sad life. Heck, I didnt even date a girl before (what a loser). And yeah, I have no dream or any goal in my life.
Talking about my goal, I dont even know why I dont have it. Since first grade, I only know about study and how not to angry my parents. When I was in highschool, I didnt realise that it was the perfect time for me to set my future but I ignore it for some reasons. Maybe I dont want to think about my future as there are too much responsibilities for being the only son in the family. They want me to be a high-earning individuals living in luxury villa and has a lot of money. Hell, I dont even care about that. I dont even know why I was born and what am I in this society. Gosh, what the heck am I doing with my life???
3 comments
It is not too late! You are still young and you can do whatever you want with your life and if your parents dont like it then whatever, dont worry they may be angry at you at first but they will learn how to deal with it eventually. After all they do it coz they want the best for you but they dont realize that by doing that they actually make it worse. I would suggest you to have some serious conversation with them on this topic.
I would never let my parents decide what school I would go to or anything like that. Not because I dont like or respect them but I just need to have my own mind and life. I see a lot of people in my school (last year of high school) that are just going for the path that their parents made up for them. I dont think its good. People need to know how to be confident and assertive otherwise they will just change up their abusive parents for an abusive partner and they will have their whole life decided by other people. I see the motivation behind it. It is easier to just let other people control you because you are free from responsibility but it is a shortcut and easy solution and I think that they will eventually pay the consequences.
But as I said tho. It is not late. Perhaps it is never too late. You could maybe finish your school, move out and then proceed a career that is not related to your education that will fulfill you or something like that. I dont know you and even if I did I wouldnt know what would be the best for you. Your parents dont know it either and probably not even you, but you need to be the one that decides. I would say you need to stop viewing your parents as authorities. Think about it this way: to other people for example your classmates your parents opinions mean nothing more than some other random peoples opinions. So why would it matter to you more? I am not saying that you should not respect your parents opinion but I think you should not take it for granted or fact, same as hearing random peoples opinions. After all your parents know nothing more about this life and reality than you or anyone else…
Btw. I also never had a relationship. Trust me I really know its easy to see yourself as a looser because of that but I doubt you are a loser in most girls eyes. And if a girl (or anyone) thinks that Im a looser just because I havent had sex then Im not really interested in talking to this kind of person anyway so they may as well think whatever they want and fk off.
The problem is what I want to do? What kind of job is suitable for me if I move out? I have zero interest in anything. I dont like socializing nor working with a lot of people. About school, yeah, it sucks. I supposed to be in stage 2 and here I am, stucking in stage 1. Few months ago, I started going to school again but things didnt go to well. I skipped classes a lot and I failed my final test…. Yeah, I guess it really sucks when you cant decide things on your on.
My comment is awaiting moderation and its probably gonna get deleted (again). IDK Why, honestly fk this site…
I just wanted to say that you shouldnt dwell on your parents opinions too much. Dont view them as authorities but rather as just other people that are equal to you. After all they dont know any better than anyone else… It is not too late and you cold still change and do something that would fulfill you rather than your parents.
Also I never had a relationship either. You may feel like a loser because of that but trust me its mostly just in your head. Most girls probably wouldnt care and I dont care about the once that would.