Failure

  December 17th, 2018 by WhatIsBTC

As I have no idea where to start, I will begin this post with whatever come to my mind.

It been 4 years since I have entered uni and it’s currently one of the worst time in my life. I could have chosen a different field, a different school but no, my parent doesnt allow me to do that. Living in an Asian country doesnt give you much choice beside businessman, engineer and doctor. But because engineer and doctor do not make as much money as businessman (according to my father) so I had to attend the business school to have a stable income. After 4 years of studying, I have repeated subjects several times and even took a pause from my uni in January. Since then, nothing much has changed. I have to lie to them despite feeling no guilty about it. Self-harm started to kick in in the form of nail biting and dermatophagia (aka skin eating). Then I started asking what the fck am I doing with my life. Having no close friend or anyone else beside my parents, I find it such a sad life. Heck, I didnt even date a girl before (what a loser). And yeah, I have no dream or any goal in my life.

Talking about my goal, I dont even know why I dont have it. Since first grade, I only know about study and how not to angry my parents. When I was in highschool, I didnt realise that it was the perfect time for me to set my future but I ignore it for some reasons. Maybe I dont want to think about my future as there are too much responsibilities for being the only son in the family. They want me to be a high-earning individuals living in luxury villa and has a lot of money. Hell, I dont even care about that. I dont even know why I was born and what am I in this society. Gosh, what the heck am I doing with my life???

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