what would you do in my situation?

  December 6th, 2018 by tiredofchronicpain

I think the title says it all. I am curious what anybody would do in my situation. I feel beyond repair: aged 28, living with parents after graduating with engineering degree. Yes, still live with parents at my age.

I am hitting a brick wall here. I am currently working a stressful cafe job where the manager already expects so much of me. The work has too many chiefs and few indians. I really am puzzled what anybody would do or if there is a reason to keep living this extremely difficult life and battle toe-to-toe with this existence, seeing that things still doesn’t show promising results after so many trials and tribulations.

So basically, my whole 10 years have been shit. Since emigration, after starting studying, my anxiety became too much that I could not even talk to people without getting self conscious. I suffer self consciousness, awareness, ocd, depression, mood swings, and more…

If  it is not the depression and anxiety beating me to a pulp, it is the chronic pain. Since 3 years ago, I started getting severe dental pain in my left side. Root canal followed, now my dental situation is getting out of hand. All the back teeth start to hurt and getting sensitive? What now? I am only 28. The only solution would be to pull all the back left teeth and get either costly implants or dentures, and losing my dignity all-together; and that is if I have over 30 000 USD for the implants I need – while all the other 28 year olds with their beautiful smiles sharing the good health they have, and I look at them in envy. I always was known for my beautiful smile, and now I cannot even smile anymore. It really destroys me inwardly.

So, now where is my dignity? Everyone in my family would know I have dentures. It really becomes so much for me that I cannot smile anymore. I have taken such good care of my pearly whites, but bad luck followed and I am not far from losing a whole bunch of them. With this, I work a 6 to 8 job in a cafe with a dictator as a manager grinding me to perform under severe stress. I am waking up every morning asking myself why I let myself go through with this. And yet again, I am too much of a coward to commit suicide I guess. I want the right materials and equipment. I think it is stupid nevertheless that I am this pedantic about suicide methods. But this is my life: A horned dilemma.

I was severely depressed after the root canal, and I am still unable to live with myself. I guess after you lose your teeth there is nothing left to live for. If your dental health or facial health is troublesome, what is there left to live for? Why would you blame me taking my own life after such an uphill battle to get through the day?

Would you really think suicide is unfair in this situation? Shouldn’t I be granted a right to die? What have I done to be born and not having the right to exit? If not, what would you do in my situation? I do not have benefit in my current country. You get what you work for here…

Please give me one good, cohesive reason why I should not commit suicide…

 

P.S. I would enjoy it if clipped wings, day2day, and soda can reply to this. They always have good thoughts.

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