Suppose you could go back in time and nudge yourself to do something differently. In other words, you can’t change history or tell yourself about the future or what horse to bet on, you can only make yourself take a different course of action in regard to something you did.
Would that fix your life? Or at least make it bearable now?
If so, what would you change?
9 comments
Nope. I would still like to gie.
Honestly, I probably would have prepared better for my suicide date. Now that I know that things will just get worse (which I knew from the get go but didn’t know I’d fail my attempt at committing) I probably would have saved the money before my set suicide date of August 1, 2012. So then I didn’t have to scrounge around for the change and come up short and then not hesitated to go to the sporting shop and pick up a gun, on August 1, 2012. Well before the cops had my number and when I still had a tiny bit of dignity left in me. I should have worried less about if the car will find it’s way home and worried more that I get out while I’m ahead. I didn’t plan to be here 7 years later so, I have nothing
It is a very interesting question. I think I would not want to live more or less than today. Honestly even if I go back to “erase” my mistakes and prevent bad stuff to happen I will have to face and love through the same shit again. So 2 choices there : I remember the mistakes I did in the previous time-line or I don’t and I probably make the same mistakes again. Of course there are so many things I wished I did differently….but in the end my depression is more about how I perceive myself and things so even if I made everything right I don’t believe I would be a way happier person
What would I change? For starters I would’ve chosen to have never ever been with my ex (in a relationship with him)
Don’t think it would make me want to die less though
I would never have tried heroin And I would probably not have been a junky for my entire life since I was 16.
Would I still be suicidal and want to die.. Who knows, probably, since the first time I had these feelings I was only 7 or 8 years old.
I didn’t know much about death or dying, but I always felt like I didn’t want to be here ,the way I worded it then, ONCE , was “I don’t wanna anymore”.
That’s what I said to my mum, and her reaction was anger, (probably coz she got a fright, and didn’t know how to deal with an 8 year old pretty much saying she didn’t want to live)
But that reaction made me think I’d said something bad, and after that I kept such feelings and thoughts to myself, coz I thought I’d get into trouble or was being bad for feeling like that.
I also started self harming when I was about 10, so way before any addiction took hold.
Maybe my life wouldn’t be quite as miserable if I hadn’t picked up the drugs and I’d have good periods too and not just constant misery, thus times to live for..
But I might still be suicidal . The drugs is just self-medicating, only the joke is it just makes u more depressed, more miserable and hopeless.
But that’s the one thing I would do different, not touch those bastardin drugs
And if I could change my mother’s reaction to what I said as an 8 year old girl, I would change that.
I might’ve been able to get some kind of help.
Who knows.. There are so many tiny actions and choices we make that completely change the course of our lives, you just never know…
You know possibly if you never picked up the drug you may have acted on your suicidal urges. I’ve been into drugs myself and if I hadn’t developed basically a strong love affair with the high I’d be toast. Just an idea. Like that everything happens for a reason. Maybe through the years you needed it and it helped you in a spiritual growth way.
I’d want to change something, but what to change?
Any one of these could prevent the next, or make the next mistake worse.
I could prevent my parents from putting me on Paxil and driving me out of my mind at a young age, that was the first time I even thought about suicide. I sometimes wonder if I hadn’t taken that drug if I would be struggling with depression now.
I could have stayed in private school in middle school, and applied myself in math and science despite the teacher that discouraged me…. I could have been an engineer with my math aptitude.
I could stay in high school for another two years. In my city people who graduate from an area high school get free community college education. That would be less debt now.
I could have taken the dang free 4 year degree from a private university.
I could have not married my ex wife.
All the other regrets aren’t as big for the last 8 years. I’d definitely do one of the above, since I can only change one though, probably the math one. Geez I regret the 15 years it took to turn that around.
Well if we are allowed to physically maim ourselves then I’d lop off my legs or something, which would have made it harder for me to become a loser. Something to remove the ability to be somewhat independent that way I could have been forced down a career path by my parents and then be a mindless zombie now, incapable of free thought, who just goes to work and returns home to wait for work again…. I’d be more successful…. And if that didn’t work out I could at least then probably get disability for missing limbs, so I’d at least be a justified loser. But if I lost my legs and maybe even a hand or something while I was like 6 or so I’m sure I’d be a more useful person right now.
Strange how if you are forced to be alive despite knowing its in your better interest to commit suicide and not live another day, that you are also forced to work to afford some box to live in and can not retrieve disability.