Bpd and marriage. The constant happy and sad. At times he makes me the happiest person in the world and at other times i think we should break up. According to him we are getting along better but i dont see it. Maybe its just me. How do you handle this? Not knowing if this is a relationship you really want. I just keep my mouth shut at this point because what do i know. Life is so difficult not knowing what your emotion is going to be one minute to the next.
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It’s weird to me that he proclaimed how the relationship was going FOR BOTH OF YOU, and you kind of accepted it, because “what do you know”?
That’s kind of like if a salesperson told you to buy something, because you’d both be better off. Don’t you get a say in it? Don’t you have your own needs and interests to look out for?
It’s more like I’m so confused by my emotions that it didn’t much matter to me. Sometimes I couldn’t be happier while other times well….depression and I think we should break up. But most the time I’m happy.
I see.
I have often broken up with people I felt weren’t “The One”, and afterwards, being lonely and missing them, wondered why I broke up.
If the issue is that you’re not sure this is the guy for you, maybe at least wait until you meet that guy before leaving this one.
That’s the thing though. Im fairly confident he is. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t upset me and my mental problems don’t blow it out of proportion.
I spent most of my career as a counselor and therapist. Borderline Personality Disorder no joke, generally does not respond to therapy or psychotropic meds. Some people with BPD have psychotic breaks, where they really cant discern reality from delusion. You probably know this already but for others reading they might not really get how serious or difficult BPD can be. Most people wit it can’t function in long term relationships, if you can and are making it work you are way ahead of the curve.
The hardest and best thing I think about real love is acceptance, its the corner stone. Looking past your own faults and theirs. I dont know your relationship, dont know the history, but if you love this guy and you truly believe he loves you, (and based on nothing but that) Id say accept his feelings, even if you see fault in them.
You said it doesnt generally respond to therapy. What would you advise for It?
Dont wanna put throw shade, but therapists called BPD a garbage can diagnosis, meaning theres nothing you can do just throw the case away. I never believed that. My modality was always rational emotive. A good reliable job, a stable relationship, close connection to family n friends, church or a method of volunteer work (sense of giving back), a means to express creativity (art, writing, etc), strong boundaries, and a structured daily routine.
No matter what the underlying diagnosis was if I could help the person find attachment to the things above there was ALWAYS improvement.
With BPD specifically, have a close friend or therapist you trust, who’s ok with giving you bad news or telling you when your wrong around to bounce things off of. And when it comes to big decisions I’d suggest becoming Mr. Spock. Take emotions, feelings, and instinct out of it. Go over the problem rationally, look at track record/history, as much as possible. I know with BPD the immediate response to that is its not possible, the emotions can be or are completely overwhelming, but do your best, try and be more hopeful rather than suspicious.
But again I’m just some dude on a forum, if you really agree or disagree with anything you hear from me bounce it off somebody you trust and respect before leaping in with both feet.
Everything you say makes sense to me. I’m going to save what you said so I don’t forget. Thank you so much for your help. 🙂
Very welcome best wishes, hit us back if you run into problems.