Dreaming of death- anyone else experience this?

All my dreams are morbid is part of the reason I am so desperately suicidal but I’ve been trying to kill myself since 12 years of age. I’ve only been having such morbid dreams the last three years. I was smoking marijuana and everything used to be alright I wouldn’t dream before (most of the time – side effect of marijuana) I’m not interested in dreams they mostly scare me. I have a few dreams in my immediate memory that I could share.

I had this dream that my uncle pulled up in his truck said he had a job opportunity for me but I couldn’t prostitute myself at work, but then he put a card in my kittens shirt pocket (she had like a pocket in her skin, idk). Then my kitten started getting bugs crawling all over her and I thought to think that what he put in her pocket was poison, then I was in my childhood home and I slit her throat because she was so sick that I wanted to put her out of her misery. Then I shoved her in a bag in my closet. I felt so bad, but when I went back to open the door and look at it, I was going to stitch her back together but she was alive again.

I had another dream about my childhood neighborhood. I was walking in the neighborhood next to the path I used to ride my bike there was a bush of roses and I wanted to pick one but they were all wilted except for one, then there was randomly a dragonfruit. Then I went to the house across the street (in my old neighborhood) and there was a girl there on the balcony and I go in and see there is a man in the house and think “that must be her brother” then she comes down from the balcony in front of the house and I start kisses up on her bosom and she tells me to stop. Then she is in a room with a couple other people and she’s holding hands with this guy and says she wants to get pregnant. Then I start flipping out insulting the guy saying he looks like sh*t and is f*cking ugly (something I would never do, I don’t give a d*mn that these knuckleheads are procreating, you know. . . I don’t care what she’s doing with her genitals. I mean why would I fcking even want to know that or dream of that, I hardly even knew her) so that was just fcking weird. I’m always having fcking dreams that woman are shoving their tits in my God damned mouth.

Shortly after that, this is probably the creepiest dream I have had to date. It’s like three parts. The first part I am in this business and there is a side with beds and a side with the cash register. I go up and ask for an application to work then the work man says to come back later. Then I am at the beds and one of the workers is on top of me with miniature d*ck trying to have sex with my sleeping body and then I jerk his mini cock then his friend comes by saying he needs the same treatment and starts having sex with my sleeping body. I then see a bunch of sickly looking brown dogs walking around. I walk around and then there is a door I open and a laundry room with a barking big black dog in it. I am afraid of dogs so I leave. Then something tells me to go back to the room and there is a woman on a chair. I am a child and crawl into her lap and she starts madly dry humping me, then I walk out the door and there are a bunch of heterosexual couples floating around in a hot spring. The second part I am in the mechanical room of my old house and my mom is there and there is cat sh*t on the floor and she is screaming at me that I need to pick it up but I am locking all the doors and windows and tell her I’m actually really afraid that a ghost is following me but she doesn’t give a sh*t. Then I am in my second home (high school) and there are a bunch of kids in my living room. They are inviting themselves in but my mom just went up the stairs to bed and I tell them they can’t come in because she is asleep. Then some blonde lady walks in and then she is on the floor with her , you know, in my mouth. Then these ghosts start trying to come in through the front door so I latch it and a girl there tells me her father has died. The third part I am in a basement I’ve never been in before drinking with my friends and there is a big white dog and the same woman who was dryhumping me on a chair’s daughter is there but I don’t for god sake look at her fcking face just the side of her hair. I tell my friends that I am going to go to the gas station to get more beer and they tell me they want to go through my phone and sh*t. I get out to my car and start driving but when I get to gas station I get out and am pissing on the back of the building (which I have never done) and the gas station clerks (about 4 or 5 dudes) come out, I go to get in the car as they are coming out and they start trying to break into my car trying to pull open the doors and get in the windows as I roll them then I drive away but want to fcking run them over. As I pull out I come to a crossroads and then in the background There is like 6 cop cars and they have me cornered at both sides of the intersection.

Then I was arrested in real life like 2 weeks later. The police showed up randomly and I don’t know if they were lying but said the gas station reported me, I’m still shook about it, but it was 3 years ago,

Shortly after that dream I have a dream that the woman who was humping me ferociously on the chair was licking and eating and tasting my asshole then I go out and she’s laying on the couch and there’s a guy on the couch across from her asking her to give him a blowie.
The next day I decide I’ve had enough and was to jump off the bridge after my last night celebrating. Then I am arrested again the very day after that dream. So when I get out of jail I take a bottle of antipsychotics I had saved to overdose on, I did not end up dying but I thought I was going to or I wouldn’t have taken them.

I could go on but they just fcking disgusting to the core.