I’m useless

  February 15th, 2019 by lany

Every time someone lends me something I’ll lose it. Every time someone asks me to look after something for them it becomes missing. Every time someone asks me to do something I forget.

All these people put their trust on me yet I continue to disappoint them. Why am I so useless? It’s like I can never do anything right and I always mess up and then people just loses their trust on me. Why the fuck is it always me I really don’t get it. I always tell myself to do shit properly yet it never turns out right. I just wish people don’t rely on me so much because I’ll end up disappointing them and I hate the feeling of guilt. Every time I mess up my guilt just sticks with me for a long time and it makes me feel more useless. And now I’m kind of used to it and I just don’t achieve anything. I don’t even know what I’m talking about right now.

I lack motivation to do shit. I do really bad academically and I really don’t like what I’m doing at the moment. School just makes me feel even more useless because I see all these people in my year level excel in academics. What the fuck am I doing? People get their shit together yet I can’t. I have difficulties concentrating and always end up procrastinating. I never get things done efficiently, I’m such a lazy fucking person and I fucking hate it. Why can’t I be smart like other people so I can make my parents feel proud? They pay so much money for me to go to school and yet I disappoint them with my shitty grades. I am always the one who lets people down. Why does it always have to be me. I study before exams and tests yet I still don’t get an acceptable grade. I try my absolute best in some subjects and never get anything in return, why is that? Why do I put so much effort in things and I never get what I deserve. I put so much effort in all my relationships and I don’t get anything in return. I’m always the one chasing and I’m really tired of it. I’m tired and useless and lazy.

Can someone tell me what to do because currently I lack the motivation to do shit. Heck I’m even supposed to be doing my homework right now and I’m fucking procrastinating again. Fuck I hate myself.

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