I am anyways letting you know…

Since age 10, I had depression, Now after 10 and more years I have realized it. Crying alone was the solution to all of my problems..
It’s true that I have tried to die 3 times. All in vain. I now live without any contact to the outside world. No friends. It didn’t hurt me so much before. But now it does I don’t know why. Who am I? I ask myself this question every day after opening my eyes from a long troubled not deep sleep. I cry every night in the darkness of the night when everyone is deep into their dreams and I can’t let them know anyways. A friend I met is a nice person but I don’t why I cry every time I think I messed up with this person. Guilt lurks beneath the bed and crawls upto my soul.
I know I can’t let anyone know about my mind, It’s not that they will get worried or anything, They just won’t understand the pain from the unknown. But I let that one friend know anyways… I don’t why… I am letting you know..
I am anyways.. The sun is about to shine.. I must go to sleep.. Let’s meet again through these tears.. I can’t keep your memories dusty anymore.. In drawer of longing..