Not really suicide related
I keep thinking back to that woman who met her boyfriend online in that video game. after they met in real life a few times, she eventually applied for a visa and months later… she’s living with her boyfriend (she’s from europe, he’s from USA). how the fuck was any of this even approved? she doesn’t even have a job. Oh. I bet I know why everything worked out for them! Because her boyfriend is RICH! Yes, so he’s rich and he can pay for everything and anything for her. didn’t they (customs) ever suspect when she just visited that she was going to potentially stay permanently? or would (customs) suspect that she was going to look for work there? Oh, that’s right, her boyfriend is rich.
So, that’s the fucking trick huh… the other person needs to be rich! even if the other is unemployed and does not pay for anything! the guy paid for it all!
Yet here I am most likely willing to pay the airfare to see my ex, well I should say bf if its an open relationship, lol. we both live a few thousand kms apart. and I’ve been employed for the past few months in a shitty low end job. although if I’m leaving, I’m pretty much leaving my job, which would make me unemployed as well. Anyway. so my bf is clearly not anywhere near as rich as this guy but at the moment he’s not really ‘poor’ either. he’ll have his own place soon, quite nice. so yeah. he’d pay for us both… I’d stay there for a while.
I’m sure my prospects of being able to see my bf are going to be so much lower because he isn’t fucking rolling around in money. so in turn i bet i’d be judged. Just because of this. This is fucking stupid and annoying. I don’t want to deal with this rubbish. I’m already sick of dealing with life. I want to see him to hopefully relax for a bit. Not put up with customs. I just hope I’d get past and I’d hope it would work out and I could just stay for a while. but that’s wishful thinking. Since the world favours the rich. yes it does!
I’m pretty sure I’m not extremely paranoid. I’m really pretty sure. I feel rather crazy in the head though. I don’t feel right at all. I would really dislike to pay for a ticket, just to be denied entry and sent back. That would be lame. In fact I even worry about that regarding potentially travelling to other countries with my mum. What if they let her in but don’t let me in? WTF?????
Its a possibility, isn’t it
So I guess according to this suck hole dumb fjdfkgjfdlk world I should just stay in this country only huh…
Really I am so fucking agitated, the world can just suck my huge dick because I’ve had enough of all this complete senseless nonsense.
What the FUCK do i need this for? So, you know, what’s the point of any of this? I should really just get this over and done with now… logically. Hey, because, how am I even gonna get overseas????
I’ve been overseas when I was younger with both my parents but I was a child so that’s different. Being an unemployed adult going overseas is unacceptable even if you have some savings.
I really had to get this off my chest.
6 comments
I have had enough of this stupid fucking piece of shit toilet roll motherfucking dumb fuck world FUCK I HATE IT. i fucking hate the scumbags that inhabit it. I fucking hate that i’m fucking useless. Gosh I mean most people are good at something and have talent. Even my guy. That’s fucking annoying. While I just sit here insane and babbling about some shit but its not paranoia. its real. and i don’t wanna be here. I don’t wanna deal with another person again. Because I’m going crazy. I’ve had enough of you all. Seriously. I don’t mean to cause offence. You know. Fuck all this shit., Fuck the whole lot of it.
Why did fucked up beings like me even have to be born? Why wasn’t i aborted? Because I don’t like who i am. i don’t like that im fucked up in the head. I just wanna be at least some kind of normal and have a normal thought process. This world is a toilet. Its a stinking disgusting filthy little toilet full of shit.
I dislike my job. I dislike everything. Well there’s probably a couple of things I like. but if i were to be completely honest. I just wanna lay in bed and dieeeeeeee.
Because I should….
My mum has her own issues but she’s tough. unlike me. I’m a fucking little pathetic weakling. And now I know. Because my confident front has faded. and now its getting even worse. every dumb little fuck stares at me now. probably laughs at me too. GO TO HELL YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES. I’mdeteriorating further and further by the idea BY THE DAY. I’M SERIOUS. my memory is getting worse. I hope i’m bnot getting dementia…???woh knows?
I’ probanly gonna lose this job soon because of my severely fucked up state. you don’t wanna be me, its shit. honestly. its shit. I might be rather pretty but uh look yeah what does that even mean??? because I like to be pretty. yeah. doesn’t take much brainpower on my part. I’m trying to hold on. you don’t even need to read this shit. i’ve just had enough. ok, I HAVE HAD ENOUGH.
my existence is horrible. gosh how do i even function at all? yes thats right. I don’t wanna do anything anymore. i just wanna slee pforever. I’M TIRED. HAD ENOUGH. AND ITS GETTING WORSE AND WORSE.
there’s nothing, ok
NOTHING
You know why I talked about my mum living with her family/relatives/friends?
SHE DESERVES SO MUCH BETTER THAN ME.
At least those people are normal and enjoy life. unlike me.
They can make her life better. she’ll enjoy her time with them. i mean, in the past, she has.
SOMETIMES I HAVE BOUTS OF BEING HAPPY BUT THEY DON’T LAST VERY LONG. AND ITS JJSUST AN EMOTIONSAL. YEAH AN EMOTION AND YOU KNOWWWWWWWWWWW IT!!!!
NOTHING MATTERS.
NBOTHING.
NMOTHING
SO I FUCKING OWE IT TO HER TO MAKE SOME BETTER ARRANGEMENTS FOR HER BEFORE I DISAPPEAR. OH. YEAH. HOPE I CAN STICK AROUND TO FINISH MY COFFEE COURSE TOO. LOL.
I woulr LIKE THAT
hoorway. but it doesnt mena id end up getting a job making coffee… no… just means… not much. just a piece of paper saying i can make coffee…. I don’t have the energy for this (no pun)
WELL .BAM.
I’D HOPE IT WOURK OUT I’D APPLY FOR JOBS COFFEE RELATED AND SOMETHING WOULD POP UP, APPEAR.
AND I’D GET IT.
BUT ANYWAY
HONESTLY
My mums life is more important than mine. My life is reallt unimportant. I want her to have an enjoyable life. not have a boring useless daughter around.
YES, IT MATTERS
i cant do this anymor
no!!!
LIFE WAS NOT MADE FOR PEOPLE LIKE ME.
IT WASN’T
WASN’T
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO IT WASN’T.
I live with my mom and am female too. Sorry to hear you are having a hard time traveling across seas to your boyfriend :/ hopefully if that’s what you want to do you can make it happen..
Just lately have I been feeling a little sad or bad about leaving my mom and dad, to commit suicide, but with the torture and with that I’m as useless as you and have nothing to live for. I haven’t had one good day in my life…I’m not the type that can just stay alive for no reason, no happiness, no purpose forever… I don’t see it getting better in the future. I’m as fucked as you are. Sometimes I think maybe I could run away and start a new life but I’d probably just be followed frequently by people that I knew in my past for a week or two… but other than them following me should I leave this side of the world, I’m broke as a joke. I’ve been suffering for 13 years and been ready to die for the same. If I thought it might get better I would consider staying, but it’s only gotten worse like you say. I hope to commit within the next two weeks, I was supposed to have committed 7 years ago so I’ve just been putting it off .
I think you’re more likely to be let in without a problem if you have a 2 way ticket. Tbh tho you don’t seem like youd raise any red flags to not be let in.
I will say l that if you are planning on living with this guy, it’s better for you to have some contingency funds before hand. You don’t know what would happen or if you would break up again, and wouldn’t want to be stranded in a foreign country without something to survive on.
Also there’s different kinds of visas. How much of that story do you really know?