Wisp

I haven’t seen my grandma in forever. Recently I got in contact with some more members of my family.
She will be visiting in another town nearby to me soon. I can only afford the bus fare and not much else. She is rich and I don’t want to embarass myself in front of her because I’m so poor. Now she’ll probably think I’m an asshole for not meeting up.

I can’t afford to go out to eat at a restaurant, let alone an expensive one. Nor can I afford to throw money around…
I wonder if I should’ve just fibbed before she is about […]

Just wanted to say it again.

Staying alive is just too much work and it’s pointless anyway!

Going through the motions as usual. I wish that I didn’t exist. I’ve been pretty much done with life for a while but I’m still here and still need to exist and still pretend that I enjoy life to some degree and…
That’s the gist

Nearly everyone will try to take advantage of you, and they may do it in sneaky and deceptive ways.

They may try to find out information about you, not because they are interested, but to see how vulnerable you may be, and how sensitive you may be. They try to find all the so call ‘weaknesses’ in you. They will soon use this information to best determine how they will take advantage of you.

They may seem nice at first, or even seen nice for quite a while. But you’ll end up seeing the cracks sooner or later. Appearing nice might be a stepping stone to taking […]

A Bob Marley Quote ^

But who is worth suffering for?
I’m so tired.

Generic I’m so tired post really.

Not suicide related

Well I consider my mum a friend as well, although that’s family (is it weird to see a family member as a friend???)

Sitting here next to 2 of my soft toys (fantasy creatures)…
I have more soft toys than this, though.
I guess they’ll be my only friends…
They don’t annoy me, they don’t judge, they don’t bully…
They’re just there for me, just because.

(Now I’m not saying that humans should be there for me, just because. No. Realistically, why would anyone do that?)

*Sighs

(Also if I can’t be bothered to talk, the soft toys will understand that as well) 😛

I never needed a friend who calls bullying ‘drama’. that’s offensive and hurtful to bullying victims. Bullying is bullying. Yeah.
Yeah I have reasons to care about my ex using bullying player names referencing me (although the names have stopped).
I guess my ex bullying half the server one time ‘I come here to provoke people to get a reaction for my entertainment’… yes that’s what he said. I might be biased, but this line is bullying.

Finally I don’t care about being liked or being approved by others… it’s more important for me to call out bullies than for me to be liked.

I know […]

Not suicide related

I saw the person who ghosted me in the game server yesterday (looking at stats on a website), and saw them rejoin the discord server again, around the same time with someone else.

And yes this is the same person who asked me to let them know if I didn’t want to talk to me anymore.

I thought they were my friend…
In a rage I blocked them and the other person who joined the server.

They only make me angry now, I wish I would not see them anywhere…

I’m probably overreacting but I’m tired of people. Especially people like this. Don’t […]

So I know this guy (I’ll call him John) stood up for me when my ex was using bullying names towards me on the video game server.

I know a high level admin (I’ll call him Sam) of the server was bullying John. John is also an admin but he is of a lower level. Sam had called John names and made nasty remarks about his life i.e. ‘you have no life!’. John asked Sam to stop. Sam refused. The next day John confronted Sam. Sam erased the conversation and never apologized. Can you say ‘coward’?

I’ve known John much longer than Sam, even though they are […]

Not suicide related

New online friend ghosted me, not really sure why. Ironically they told me to let them know if I no longer wanted to talk to them…
… well they didn’t do that for me.

Now I’m stuck with only one online friend, won’t be long before she gets sick and tired of me and leaves as well. Sometimes she doesn’t reply to what I write. But I understand. I’m very, very unlikable.

I think I should give up. Don’t even like people anyway. I mean I talk to other people on the game server but they are all acquaintances…

Better that way, don’t have all the […]

It’s hard to not believe that people are laughing at me…

All the so called ‘weak’ people in society get mocked, ridiculed and even bullied. But sometimes it’s more subtle, like… deep down others won’t like you. But they don’t show it.

Why bother trusting people? Don’t do that!

As always, miserable.

I’m not sure I really want to be in contact with them, the police asked me for their details (names) so I gave them the names. That was in relation to my dad’s death.

But I’m tired of people, and I just got off the phone with a relative. I’m sure she’s laughing at how much of a failure I am to herself.

I have no reason to contact my family, really. For what? To talk about dad’s death? Well I don’t need to tell them that. It seemed they knew that he had a drinking problem though.

I just want to be left alone 🙁

But I don’t […]

I just want to go…
I just want to go ..
I just want to go………
Always miserable.

Not suicide related

POTENTIAL TRIGGER WARNING (sexual abuse)

Around 2 years ago I met this guy at a beauty salon who acted in a creepy way and did creepy things.
(Creepy things like grabbing me and kissing my lips and touching my face. He also looked down my dress and asked if my breasts were real after looking at my bra down my dress). I felt like a whore afterwards 🙁
(I bet he only asked this as an excuse to look down my dress, nobody could be that stupid, my breasts don’t look fake at all, nor have I had surgery there).

Reviews on Google also […]

Everyone takes advantage of the ‘weak’, vulnerable and ‘dumb’. Yeah, there’s a reason why I put those in inverted commas…

Yes, everyone. It’s just done in different ways. Sometimes it’s rather subtle!

I dislike nearly everyone.

Oh and the last one… if society doesn’t see you as ‘normal’, you’ll be garbage in their eyes.

Not suicide related

I’m so lonely… I’ve been kinda trying to interact with others in the online game, even though the game isn’t there for socialising.
I don’t want others to find out what I’m like though, they’ll probably laugh. I’m useless, miserable and am done with life.

I don’t know why I bother. Most people in this world are needlessly judgemental anyway.
Most people also don’t care about others, that’s just how we are…

I believe that there’s someone out there for everyone. Unfortunately we’ll probably never meet this ‘someone’ in our lives.
They are out there, just the likelihood of ever coming across them is […]

Not suicide related

I wish my mum would take better care of her diabetes, her eyesight already has complications…
on the other hand, the only way to manage diabetes to restrict yourself alot, e.g. following strict diet.

It’s just awful all around.
I just wish my mum didn’t have diabetes.
I see her as a person. I like her as that. She isn’t a ‘disease’ nor ‘diabetes’.

She’s nearly 70, I feel like such a burden. I’ve tried to help her with her diabetes. I’ve tried to get her eye surgery, everything was explained, even pictures of the eye surgery were shown. She’ll eventually go ‘completely blind’.

I […]

I really want to go. Yeah I’ve made up my mind. But I’ll have to keep existing in the meantime.
I look forward to nothing in this life, nothing nothing nothing.
At least I have my mum.

I created an imaginary boyfriend. Yeah I’m pathetic.