I really don’t feel like doing anything anymore. I’m going through the motions. I wonder if I’ll ever get another job or just end up stuck with this shitty one? I just imagine employers laughing at my resume and then chucking it in the bin. I’m not even on good terms at my current job. Dunno if I’ve already mentioned it but I’ve handed in a bunch of resumes lately, as usual I expect rejection or no reply… i’m still in the middle of my barista course but I’ll have to wait another week or 2 to get a place in their training cafe, so I can soon get the certificate after. I feel impatient.
I don’t like that I have to bottle up how I really feel with this guy… I’m pretending to be ok when I’m not. I pretend that I don’t worry all the time. I seriously have 0 direction in my life… no interests, nothing… I guess I’m only pretending… (coffee interests me though). I recently had a pedicure and my feet look lovely but… meh…
I wish I had been nicer to my first barista teacher the, lets say, the other day. I just couldn’t even say hi to her… I wish I had… its very rude not to… but again, I don’t want her to see me as a potential failure. I wish she worked in the training cafe… but no, she only works in other areas… ugh, she’s so lovely. I thanked her for everything. She said i could talk to her whenever I feel like… maybe I should, but I don’t want to be seen as creepy. I remember how supportive she was and that she was really happy when I had made a coffee correctly… etc and she was just really nice. But next time I’ll be seeing a third teacher (mentioned the 2nd in my previous post), who is apparently strict and harsh :/
Being told that I need to spend a few more days in the training cafe also makes me feel like a failure… I wish I was good enough. I wish I could do it all correctly and not be too slow, not forget, etc.
I’ve really had enough. I feel that this world isn’t for me. Life is too difficult anyway and I’m always worried and stressed and I fear losing my job anyway.