Im so close. I only plan on using it as a way to get my thoughts out. Talk to someone that knows more then me on the overall subject. Come up with coping ideas i havent thought of. All i have to do is make one phone call and im set. However my thoughts on the idea are where it all falls down. To accept help makes me feel weak and defeated. Even putting that aside the years and years this would take. It just doesnt seem worth it. Im sure ill be fine without it. So what if im figurativly standin on the edge of a cliff? So what if my cuts are slowly getting deeper? So what if i dont feel like eating most days? So what if im attacked by my hallucinations? So what if i like to drown my problems with a bottle? Ive survived so far. Whats the worse that could happen?
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That sums up why (they say) therapy doesn’t work. You have to “want” to get better, whatever that means. But the fact is we have been on this course so long, at this point why not just ride it to the end.
I’ve gone even a step further and tried therapists and medication and all that. I’m on this site, so you can guess how effective that was. Give it a try if you’re bored. Otherwise, not to be pessimistic but we all end up where our minds take us, therapy or not.
That’s not the problem. I do want to get better. I’d love to be the happy girl I use to be. It just doesn’t seem like it would be worth the trouble.
When you’re depressed, or have anxiety issues, looking forward at the course makes it seem so much more difficult than it actually is in practice. In the moment, it isn’t much trouble at all. It’s just starting the engine that’s difficult. Getting out to the car. Having breakfast. Getting ready. Waking up. Once you get to the point where you’re ready to leave, it always seems easier to just…. not. But if it helps in the long run, it may actually be worth it. It’s impossible to say until you’ve tried.
it’s not bad talking with someone getting idea’s and so forth. 🙂