When will it stop hurting?

A year ago today was the last time I saw _____. It STILL hurts. Surely it can’t hurt that much for so long? I just want to know when will it stop hurting that ____ isn’t part of my life anymore. I think it hurts so much because ____ was my best friend and literally part of my family for her whole life and most of mine. A year ago _____ broke me. When I said goodbye to her it was really the last time. I tried for about 9 months to fix things to bring us together again but she didn’t care. Maybe our friendship didn’t mean as much to ____ as it did to me, although I find that hard to believe. And there’s not a single day that goes by where I do not think about ____. It’s so fucking hard. Everything I do, say, see, it reminds me of her and just makes me sad. Fuck, I was with a good friend yesterday and having a good time but we stopped at the $1 popcorn at target. In my head I instantly became sad because me and ____ would always buy like 4 packets of those popcorns before we went into the movies. And another thing is that on my snapchat and instagram memories, all I see is me with ______ and all I do is watch them making myself depressed because I miss her so fucking much. Even harder, this time each year is when one of us would go to the other’s house (we live 3 hours away). So 3 years ago today she was at my house, 2 years ago today I was at her house and 1 year ago today I was at her house. And this year? This year I sit here by myself on the edge of tears with no-one to even care. Oh and another fucking great thing about this, a couple days ago her friends were at her house and I was with my friends. Our friends were just saying little things to each other like oh fuck you or like you’re scum. Then all of a sudden one of the friends _____ was with said “you know what (my name), you need to go kill yourself”. It’s sad because _____ can let her friends say such a horrible thing to someone who was a huge part of her life for so long, on top of the fact that _____ makes me fucking want to kill myself. But she never knew I was depressed, had anxiety or anything because I didn’t realise until after her. After she left my life in such a painful way that to this day it hurts. If it hurts after a year, I just want to know WHEN will it stop hurting because I can’t go on like this.