A year ago today was the last time I saw _____. It STILL hurts. Surely it can’t hurt that much for so long? I just want to know when will it stop hurting that ____ isn’t part of my life anymore. I think it hurts so much because ____ was my best friend and literally part of my family for her whole life and most of mine. A year ago _____ broke me. When I said goodbye to her it was really the last time. I tried for about 9 months to fix things to bring us together again but she didn’t care. Maybe our friendship didn’t mean as much to ____ as it did to me, although I find that hard to believe. And there’s not a single day that goes by where I do not think about ____. It’s so fucking hard. Everything I do, say, see, it reminds me of her and just makes me sad. Fuck, I was with a good friend yesterday and having a good time but we stopped at the $1 popcorn at target. In my head I instantly became sad because me and ____ would always buy like 4 packets of those popcorns before we went into the movies. And another thing is that on my snapchat and instagram memories, all I see is me with ______ and all I do is watch them making myself depressed because I miss her so fucking much. Even harder, this time each year is when one of us would go to the other’s house (we live 3 hours away). So 3 years ago today she was at my house, 2 years ago today I was at her house and 1 year ago today I was at her house. And this year? This year I sit here by myself on the edge of tears with no-one to even care. Oh and another fucking great thing about this, a couple days ago her friends were at her house and I was with my friends. Our friends were just saying little things to each other like oh fuck you or like you’re scum. Then all of a sudden one of the friends _____ was with said “you know what (my name), you need to go kill yourself”. It’s sad because _____ can let her friends say such a horrible thing to someone who was a huge part of her life for so long, on top of the fact that _____ makes me fucking want to kill myself. But she never knew I was depressed, had anxiety or anything because I didn’t realise until after her. After she left my life in such a painful way that to this day it hurts. If it hurts after a year, I just want to know WHEN will it stop hurting because I can’t go on like this.
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6 comments
I’m not sure what to say, memories of good times are just memories. Here’s one of my bad examples I have plenty of those! 🙂 I once moved from a place where I was happy then after a couple years I was sad, so I went back to visit, everything was different! People were different! Places were different! I couldn’t wait to get the hell out of there! And of course I was very depressed about that. But it did end the idea I could go back in time. How that relates to you I’m not sure? Try to go back in time and find out? If it isn’t going to work accept it and find closure? Living in memories isn’t reality. And it’s hard to move forward.
This isn’t a bad example and I can relate to that too. Recently I’ve found from what I see on social media anyway, that she isn’t the same as the person I once called best friend.
Ah, forget about it. There’s more fish in the sea than just _____. 😉
But seriously. rocketman is right. I always think, you dont just fall in love with a person. You fall in love wityh a person, at a certain time in your and their life. At a certain moment, in a certain surrounding, in a certain state of your and hers/his being. It’s the magic of the moment. But the moment passes. You are making the person you are longing for bigger/holier/more important then even humanly possible. It is the moment in time you are longing for, not just the person.
A love that lasts forever – or for many years -, is much more/different than ‘being crazily in love’. there will be other nice people, other loves, other magic moments. Dont dwell in in the past, as the future is waiting.
Thankyou for this advice, although I think you think that I was writing about a boyfriend/girlfriend. The person in my post is actually my cousin and was my best friend so ofocourse I love(d) her but just not at all in the way I think you assumed. But either way, thanks for your comment as it is still relevant.
You got to get her back in your life! Seems like you a busy one
I have tried to message her recently but she won’t budge, maybe she is just this – an ex best friend.