Dying alive?

I know who I am. I know that I don’t fit. I fought. I thought I stood for something. I made no impact and got impacted the most. I am choosing my way out and no one respects my wishes including the man upstairs or whatever you believe. I almost succeeded the last time. Ended up in a coma for a month. I find now that my life is slow torture. Things happen for a reason and you end up in positions that you don’t want to be in. And you fight but there is no place to go home. Is it worth it? Are you supposed to suffer? If I can’t feel my own I think I would be better dead. Don’t ever try to end your life because once you try, it seems easier to try again and make it stick. It’s my birthday today and I wish for my death. I started out trying for love and happiness, but ultimately I wished for death. I am selfishness and reprieve and I am still trying to figure out if I should die tonight.