How do you keep living when you have no hope of getting better, I don’t even know if I want to get better anymore. I hate this world that humans have created, I find it impossible to exist without feeling guilty for being part of the problem, but if I kill myself I’ll feel guilty for hurting loved ones. I’ve had major depression for just over a third of my life there doesn’t seem to be any treatment that works, so how do you carry on?
18 comments
It’s ok to feel disgust for this world. It’s ok to feel guilty if you want to kill yourself as your loved ones will really suffer the consequences of neglecting you.
We need religions. We need to make sense of the evil. We need to make sense of the concept of sin.
We need to be friendly, help others and get out from the Hell together.
i have never once felt guilty for my thoughts or feelings. you really have to stop making assumptions.
Sorry…..im tired and didn’t see the title clearly…..ugh
I appreciate the first part of your reply but I don’t think religion is going to help me here particularly as I don’t belive in God.
It ‘ll be OK. I just read your post. I was wrong about you. I didn’t know you suffer that much…. I am sorry and I apologize. I read your post: “Unicorns and Insanity”. You commented on my posts and I misjudged you.
You are immersed in darkness and pain. Only if you could see the love which it still exists in the world…
You are meaningful in my eyes…..
ok…..my only problem with you really is with religion obviously lol. if we have an understanding that you have your religion and i have mine i dont see why we can’t start off with a clean slate. and its not so much that i dont see love its more like i know about 100-150 people and only 2 of them care about me and neither of them are family members. i just feel like there isnt enough love in the world.
I have made a sacred Christian altar in my house. Last night I lighted a candle for ElElyon. This is my religion. I pray for others. I see you experience a psychotic episode. It will pass. I also had my ones in the past.
You are really attacked by evil.
Yes, there is not enough love in the world. We also need more compassion for others.
I am abandoned too. Today, I deleted all the emails from two friends of mine from the past. They abandoned me and sought for their lives. And they meant a lot to me. Anyway, I think they are in a worse state than mine even if they seem to lead more normal lives. If you want, I can pray for you too.
As far as the candle thing goes you can if you wish. Even though I don’t believe I still see it as your way of caring so it seems kind of silly to say no.
I’m not 100% sure I’d call it an “episode” though. A lot of my problems are ones that don’t go away. Think about having 2 wires crossed and now for it to work again you have to physically uncross them the only problem is in this case you can’t uncross the wires. And I could keep going the way I am but it’s like I inferred in my post everything is driving me to insanity.
As far as the candle thing goes you can if you wish. Even though I don’t believe I still see it as your way of caring so it seems kind of silly to say no.
I’m not 100% sure I’d call it an “episode” though. A lot of my problems are ones that don’t go away. Think about having 2 wires crossed and now for it to work again you have to physically uncross them the only problem is in this case you can’t uncross the wires. And I could keep going the way I am but it’s like I inferred in my post everything is driving me to insanity.
I have no idea why it did that. I had something else typed out. Weird. Anyway ignore the double.
I’ve tried the healthy living, getting hobbies thing to help but it only really helps my depression. As far as the other problems go they just get worse. It’s almost like they mock me.
“The first part I’m not so sure about as I personally have helped people on this site to a better life however that aside because that’s not the part I really wanted to comment on. I must say I agree with the last part. One of my biggest reasons for ever wanting to end it is I couldn’t ever see myself being happy in a world that only thinks about itself. It doesn’t matter how many of my problems I fix. How many toxic people I avoid. There will always be toxic people. More so than good ones.”
It’s ok. You are the one who needs to be helped right now. It doesn’t matter so much that you cannot see yourself happy. I can see yourself happy and having found relief.
I took a cold shower for 30 minutes and poured very cold water in different parts of my body. I felt all the agony, terror, shame. I put pressure on my heart so that I would feel a little bit of what Jesus felt on the cross when he died in agony for us. (His heart crumbled in the end….). Actually I did it for you. I forgot how it feels to be suicidal myself. I was suicidal in 2014 and 2015 when I was very dead inside. Now I recovered and I was prepared to live my life.
I read carefully your words when you said that: Every one has their own opinions and thoughts and that I raise your stress levels with my bold statements and that I don’t pay attention to what others think and say.
You were right. I didn’t pay enough attention. It’s dangerous for me to pray for someone who stands in agony and suicidal thoughts as it can easily turn against me. You are in a dangerous situation and attacked by Evil.
Before praying for you and doing my ritual, I want you to do something. It will help me more.
There is a person on this website, a Satanist. You know him. I won’t mention him here. You commented on our conversations. As you know, he blasphemies. I know you don’t believe in blasphemy and you said you also don’t believe in God or my religion(I can accept that). I cannot pray for him because my prayer won’t be genuine. I believe that blasphemies do much harm.(especially to him). According to the Catholic Church(this is mortal Sin)… Right now he is very attacked and wanted to end it all yesterday. He read Anton LaVey and also may have performed some satanic rituals.
Could you please pray for that desperate person, for his poor soul. It will do you no harm(as you don’t even believe in blasphemies) and your prayer could be more sincere than mine. This is all…
If you distrust me, you can take a look at my profile and my posts. I was suicidal myself and I have been posting here since September 2015 when I was in a dreadful condition myself. I have recovered in end.
And remember I don’t try to push my religion on you. Only in Hell does everyone try to push his or her religion, philosophy or agenda on others. (you can read near-death experiences). And no, I am not insane. Don’t worry about that.
My “ritual” comes from the Eastern Orthodox Church from Eastern Europe.
If you cannot pray for him, there is another suicidal person on this website who needs desperate prayers: Cause of Death: Suicide. You can pray for her and imagine her as your sister for 1 second at least…. as she was also abused like you… it will do you much good. Pray like this: God, I don’t even believe in you and I can only hate you because of your church… or because nothing makes sense in my mind. But please listen and accept my desperate prayer and I wish him or her progress in life, love and compassion. This is all 🙂
Hopefully, you did not think I would push or force some prayer or agenda on you like some lunatic Christian. If you think that, you can correct me. I won’t feel offended.
If you are prepared and accept in your heart my prayers and Orthodox Christian ritual, I will be very happy.
And remember, this is not some “new age ritual with some candle”. It can hold much value in the eyes of God. Peace.
I am going to smoke some tobacoo now as I am not that lunatic to imagine I am some Christian Saint in the forest. I felt lots of cold pain the shower. It helped me remember how it feels to be suicidal, abandoned by God and full of terror and pain. It felt like it never ends… all the pain…
I will pray for you later if you do what I said. This is true Christianity. To sacrifice ourselves for others.
i wish i could pray for them however i need their permission to before i can because of my religion.
Of course you need their permission… Perhaps I was wrong to ask you such a thing. After all, we are not like the Protestant or Evangelical Christians to pray for everyone without their permission. It’s offending and disgusting….
i wouldnt call it offending and disgusting. its just you are doing something that involves them its only right that they know about it and have the option to say no
It’s night in my country now. I will pray for you now hopefully without being disturbed. If you are interested, I will clarify a little bit what you face in your life as I have some good experience myself.
i think ill pass. ill just take life day by day and see what happens
Last night I had some insight. I think you argue with your mother, which leads to conflict and despair because you are shocked of her cruel behavior. You cannot see yourself out the situation.
It leads someone to anger and despair…. that’s why I told you to pray among other things. It makes us think of someone else in our moments of despair. It’s good for our soul. But of course, we need to pray in silence in our secret chamber as Jesus actually taught, not aloud because it leads to discord and others also can hear us. It’s very simple. And of course, I don’t expect you to pray as I couldn’t pray myself in my darkest moments being very dead inside and attacked by others….
I did pray for you last night. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. We all have some degree of toxic shame here.
Your mother put lots of shame in you…. I don’t expect you feel to changed in one night as many Christians do by laying hands on someone’s head, etc. I have myself cleansed and changed and it took me 1 year after many years of trying.
Yesterday evening, I had the priviledge of seeing my own mother returning home. She was demonically possessed. She would scream aloud in front of me after not seeing me for days. She returned from my father who happens to be a devil himself and having met several Satanists.