Therapists don’t look at what CAUSED the problem, only the SYMPTOMS of the problem. And that is what hurts. You can keep on tackling the symptoms of a cold or cough, and then it turns out to be bronchitis. Actually I did end up with a typical cough/cold that year, and yes it eventually turned into bronchitis. I know it isn’t the BEST comparison, but hopefully you get my point. It’s like putting a plaster on a gaping wound, that wound is going to stay open and collect bacteria and get infected to the point where that limb might need to get removed or it turns into some nasty blood-disease. Same with depression, you can offer me CBT and give me happy platitudes and a sense of false hope, but just you wait and eventually it reaches the point where suicide becomes less scary and more of a release you need to get to. And as time stretches on, you just want out more and more. For me, this isn’t even me questioning anymore. I know suicide is the way to get rid of this nightmare. It isn’t going to get better, and I know it. Because not everything is within our control. People do die alone, people will die alone, and we cannot do anything to stop this. Even millionaires and famous people decide to commit suicide.
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Wow, I wish you could meet my therapist. She looks high and low for causes of symptoms. We have found quite a few causes.
Everyone likes to try and make it less work for themselves but pushing CBT on me, I’ve tried it plenty of times, even joined this group session that was one a week for 3 weeks. We don’t have medical insurance here, right now I’m unable to pay for private therapy. If not private therapy, you’re stuck on waiting list after waiting list. Last year I spent 8 months waiting for some help from this adult mental health team, just to be told there is a staff shortage and had not received any answer onto how long it’s going to take for them to find someone for me.
This year I had my hopes set on gaining some support from a counsellor, only to have the sessions stopped as they realised the kind of support I needed they weren’t going to be able to provide.
Over here they don’t care once you reach 18, you get bombarded with support throughout childhood and adolescence up to late teens and then you’re simply dropped on their doorstep. As a child, I didn’t understand how this help was crucial for my future. Instead of listening I would go against their advice, I didn’t want to talk to doctors, I wanted to be left alone. As a child you don’t fully understand how important it is to listen to these doctors and try to co-operate with them, so once you’re old enough to understand how much you had taken these things for granted it is too late.
Waiting lists, waiting lists, a constant cycle. You need to be a danger towards yourself for them to take you seriously enough, they leave you to rot before they can see how desperate you are. The only problem is, most of the time you’re given more anti-depressants or put in a mental ward for a while until they think you’re “well” enough to go home. No proper support really, none.
And it isn’t just looking at the cause, what I dislike about therapy is how they treat your depression as someone for you to cure, when depression can be caused by other people. When you’ve been exposed to a lot of hatred, cruelty and unkindness by others, this can help develop that mental illness. With CBT they tell you to “challenge” negative thoughts and everything else, when the truth is a lot of what happens is beyond our control, and people are still going to treat me poorly without a care in the world, and this is going to deepen my depression.
It has already reached a point where I am unable to cope, suicide is starting to become more of a reality, whereas before I would sit back and contemplating, wonder if I would ever be able to get over the fear of death. Now my mind doesn’t seem to focus on the anxiety, but the frustration over how long is it going to take until I put my plan in place.
I might not have given a good example of this whole “therapist blaming you for your problems” idea, I know they aren’t personally blaming anyone, but the whole idea of having to fix what others broke. I didn’t bully myself all of those years, others did. I didn’t reduce myself to someone with no worth, others did. Others made me see this. The way people treat you has a large role in how your future is going to turn out, or at least so I see it.
My only reason to see a therapist would be to confirm whether I really am beyond help.
Being on a waiting list for therapy sound s just awful. I would hate that.
I just looked up CBT. After reading about it I’m not sure what it really is. I use EMDR and for me anyways, it works well.
I went through several counselors, a therapist or two, and two psychologists before finding this one who actually helps. The others seemed incapable of helping and certainly never gained my trust.
It is so unfair that others screw us over and break us and yet we are responsible for fixing the mess they made if we are to live in something resembling peace.
You are a smart person. And a descent one too. You deserve better than you get, and certainly better than you got. That’s a messed up system over there. Drugs and wards seem like they would do way more harm than good.
I meant to say: It is so unfair….
Thank you for your kindness. I can’t tell you the amount of arrogance I’ve been faced with over the Internet for mentioning the fact I’ve got these problems and can’t find a therapist. I had someone tell me to get a job if I want therapy, just like everyone else. And that if I can’t afford it, tough shit. Now I know we have free medical care over here, which the states doesn’t have. It makes me sad that people have to pay for health care. And I know they’re also paying for therapy as well.
Right now I can’t get into work due to being housebound, I’ve had myself written off in my last job. They didn’t favour me there as I didn’t fit the work ethic. We don’t have health insurance over here, so it simply isn’t a matter of being able to get a doctor to help me pay for private otherwise I would. And then it’s the travel costs as I don’t drive, from a small town and the nearest private therapist is an hour away.
If there was health insurance that could’ve helped. But these people, shooting me down. Blaming me, it’s MY fault that I haven’t got any help and I don’t deserve sympathy either. I’m going insane as each day passes. Can’t control my thoughts, pills not working as well.
It’s getting to the point where I’d rather be dead. I feel like going off at the doctors, screaming and shouting. Crying and ripping out my hair. Anything to get their attention.