So tired… mentally fatigued…surely an immediate death is right for one who might as well be dead… I’m just killing time and don’t even enjoy being alive, don’t appreciate it. Wish I could just lie down and expire in my sleep, kind of like going to the state of non-consciousness I’ve experienced when under general anesthesia, but staying there and never awakening. I wish that were an option…something easy, something that doesn’t need for me to be strong.
But apparently that is something you need to have to be successful, whether in trying to make it in life, or end one.
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“Wish I could just lie down and expire in my sleep, kind of like going to the state of non-consciousness I’ve experienced when under general anesthesia, but staying there and never awakening.”
I’ll second that wish. That feeling of slowly fading into absolute nothing, and not caring as you do….
I have also never enjoyed or appreciated being alive. I’ve always been terrified of my birth parents, but I hoped to lose them by 18 years old. I had a feeling they would trap me with them in their god awful life forever, at least I know I can always kill myself with gun whenever I want to. That’s the only thing that gets me through another pathetic, worthless, horrible day where yet again nothing worthwhile happens…. and I’m trapped with people I f*cking hate.