Does it make sense to be afraid for a future that I don’t have? I can’t imagine myself living past 25, yet I worry about getting a long-term job, taking care of my parents as they age, and whether or not I’ll be able to care of my kids (if I ever have any).
And I’d like to think that I’m not suicidal anymore – that suicide isn’t a likely probability anywhere in the future – but when things get hard, I can’t help but to think of the option of just ending it all …. it seems that the urge to die and to hurt is one that’s been here for so long, it won’t ever really go away.
Why is it all like this…. why is it all so confusing….