I wish changing my sleeping pattern wasn’t so hard i always do this for months at a time staying up all night an drowning in my sheets in the day i never get sun gee wish going out side wasn’t such a big thing too me iv missed out on so many amazing things, i bet… Never had a girlfriend an lost all my actual friends from pushing them away for years Chronic anxiety an depression what a waste of a life….
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I know right, the sleeping pattern is so hard to change, now I’ve been struggling for months and I’ve made some progress but it needs a lot of practice i guess. Btw about you pushing your friends away, don’t feel bad about it, maybe you were not truly comfortable around them, people like us that are sad/depressed/anxious, need people with understanding and someone to be comfortable around with, so maybe try and find new friends(if you dont wanna have friends at all thats also okay, i am shy and comfortable by myself most of the time) but even if you don’t it’s not a bad thing, they will come at some point trust me, my whole highschool period i was alone but after that friends appeared, people who understand, so trust me, even If you’ve spent your life alone its not uselsess or pathetic, in fact i think people like us have seen the side of this existence that no one else is seeing.. Are you in highschool? ?
Thanks for your comment, indeed sleeping is by far one of the worst things too be outta wack an iv dealt with it for years iv been really bad the last few months idk why but as soon as the light comes up i can just very easily sleep for hours on end, iv always been a night owl as much as i love it, it does wreck my life at times.
My friends iv pushed away are the people iv grown up with i live in a very small town i only ever had around 5 friends all up for my whole life because of anxiety i just cant talk too people i hate the way i am an look im very bad at talking or keeping conversation if i was too hang out with people im no someone that people just go outta there way too come a chill with because i will honestly just sit here an not say much at all i love going an doing stuff outside if theres not many people around an stuff but i just like looking at things an just watching the day go by an too most people thats no fun its weird iv always been so alone in this world i just like being in my own head all the time so its so very frustrating when im meant too be talking an trying too have fun when i have a billion things going on in my head people friends dont just come outta nowhere not in this small town, an not too someone like me im 23 years old : ( iv been very depressed for many many years tried suicide 5 times 4 overdoses an was close too hanging myself back in 2014 i wish i did it im trying too make it happen again its so hard too talk myself into it..
Funny that you mentioned 2014, i tried to kill myself back, it was by far the worst year of my life… I was really depressed, everyday sinking more and more into endless agony… I couldn’t even go to the store to buy myself food because i couldn’t handle talking to the employee.. Ofc because of that all of my friends left me and even did some pretty bad things to me that left me broken, all because i was no “fun” anymore, so after a whole year alone and in everyday agony i accepted that this is my life and that i have decades to go (i was 18 then now im 24) so I wanted to kill myself because i couldn’t handle the pain any longer, my suicide attempt failed, i tried cutting myself multiple times but my veins are really deep and even if i started bleeding eventually it would stop so it wouldn’t go all the way… The pain was so hard that one day i fell on my knees( as an atheist i never begged before nor prayed) and started begging the universe to help me or at least to help me end my life.. Strangely after a short time things got a little more bearable because i met a friend, she was a distant friend and didn’t pay much attention to me but nonetheless it helped, so my anxiety sorta got better i realised that we can talk to whoever we want and we can be ourselves unapologetically, despite the fact that we may be weird as fuck and fucked up in the brain hh so anyway i sorta accepted myself a little bit, i accepted that i may be a loser and a weirdo and what’s even stranger when i accepted myself as a total rock bottom people kinda started hanging out with me, till this day i have someone to go out with if i want to but even if i didn’t i would be okay, i realised that maybe its okay to live on this side, the “bad/sad” side haha i mean we’ve seen pretty horrendous things haven’t we… But my point is try and stick around, if you weren’t so far away(i think we’re far since im from europe) I’d love to be your friend, and I’d love to spend time with someone in silence, the way you think and your thoughts seem really special, so yeah i would spend time with you, maybe this won’t mean much to you but i truly mean it so i guess you have a friend that you haven’t met 🙂 … And I’m also sending love to you, if you’re up for talking just say so I’d gladly do it and id be up for it. Sorry for the long text btw…
If you’re old enough to get a job, and live somewhere that still has jobs open, getting one of those can help structure your days a little. I found it helps a lot when it comes to sleep schedules and daily routines. Right now I’m working night shifts so I sleep like a cat all day long, wake up if someone’s whispering outside my front door, but I do have a regular cycle down. I also get a paycheck at the end of the week, which helps with buying sleeping pills and booze. I have a bunch of cats that help keep me entertained when I’m going stir-crazy from the social isolation while not at work, but when I’m at work, I have a bunch of jerks who all hate/resent each other who I can resent and/or hate but also joke around with and that takes the edge off it. There are also some good people there, but they don’t usually last long before they get fired or quit. Such is life, I guess.
The trick is to just do it regardless of how you’re feeling at the moment. Plow through it one day at a time and force yourself into that daily structure and eventually you’ll feel slightly better, and have an easier time making changes to your life as needed/wanted. It’s no cure for anxiety/depression, but it does help fill out the hours and gives you more options.