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by Been Here Too Long

Everyone wants it both ways.  I’ve fucking destroyed myself to give the people I care about everything, even when it crosses my boundaries, even when it fucking killed me.  What the hell am I supposed to do?  I fucking drop anything, and I mean nothing to anyone I care about, and that will kill me worse.  I try to do everything and that kills me, too.  It’s not like I have any direction on my own, so why shouldn’t I drop everything to wholly serve those I care about?  What the hell else would I do?  I have nothing going for me; I’m fucking pathetic.  If I pull out of the relationships I care about most, I have nothing.  I will rot, and I won’t care enough to get myself back up.  If I don’t, I wear myself down to a worthless nothing.

I’m a coward, so I’ll let life play out and destroy me as it chooses to.

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