A. Have difficulty understanding or expressing emotions
B. Not know how to cope with trauma, pressure, or psychological pain in a healthy manner
C. Have unresolved feelings of rejection, loneliness, self-hatred, anger, or confusion
D. Want to “feel alive”
E. Self punishment
F. Explain it…
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2 comments
A, B, D
Sometimes others apply but for me is majorly a way of turning the mental instability into something tangible that I am in control of. I can’t control my mind, I can’t make it shut up, except when I cut and there’s pain and blood and then there is relief for a little while. I also feel empty/numb sometimes and at least I can feel something when I cut.
I used to be ashamed, and I guess I still am, but less now, my spouse and closest friend know about it and they have been cool about it, not condoning it but not giving me a guilt trip either. Not feeling guilty so much means I don’t punish myself for doing it, which is how I used to go from 2-3 cuts to 6-7 because I would feel guilty and be angry and figure I might as well just do more since I fucked up already.
What’s your answer?
I think im more into B, C, E
This loneliness, rejected, not worthed, disgusted feeling
I feel like im a failure and it should be my punishment to experience all of this
All of that feeling develop into psychological pain my chest, mind, eyes, ears..
I cut..
First only 1 cant be seen.. next its 2 next its 5 or more, next as much as i want.. cant be seen, not deep
Next i want to see the blood so i took knife.. a little can be seen
Next i choose sharpest knife.. i cut deep and deeper and deeeeperr.. more blood to see.. satisfying..
It hurts my wrist hurts.. but i feel relieved and my pain go away
Next i taste the blood.. its feels good when i eat it..
Next i cut more and eat it..
I feel better.. idk when i can stop or what level i will stop
Its like a cure for me..
I think next time i will post the story of my cutting..
Its a good and sad and funny topic.. haha