???

my friend doesnt make any sense. maybe im just missing something. with him…i could get away with murder. literally. like i actually asked him about this and he said yeah. but everything i do….if anyone else were to do it, hed hate them. he hates alcoholics. he hates druggies. he hates anger. he basically hates everything i am but he doesnt hate me. he just lets it roll of his shoulder like its nothing. yeah it upsets him and he wishes i wouldnt but he doesnt hate me for it and he never gets annoyed with me. ive even tried and the only thing i succeed at was feeling like sh*t.

i lost probably the best thing i had, didnt i?
anyway happy birthday dude and sorry i couldnt stay sober for a month. i promised you today though 🙂 and although i havent told you….i feel like you know. maybe because i stopped talking about it. you just kinda assumed. and i know i should tell you but i also know part of you would be hurt by it even though youd still be happy i tried. and i know youd understand a month is a lot so i did pretty good making it as far as i did but it still scares me to tell you. i hate hurting you and i feel like thats all i ever do.