People always tell me that I’m a musical prodigy, that I’m very talented in music. People also often say that I’m smart. I have always been that weird, strange, socially-awkward nerd/geek, even though people also say that I’m a natural good-looking guy, that I have a baby-face for a person at my age. I’m 37 years old now. I’m from Indonesia, btw, I’m a Chinese-Indonesian.I have always been interested in the ‘bigger-picture’, things like philosophy, asking stuff like what is the meaning of life? also why does everything exist? Who are we in this vast, limitless universe? Are we just a tiny little speck of dust? Are we alone in this universe? etc etc While most people are always tied down to their mundane, boring survival mode everyday with their works, jobs, careers, business, etc etc, my mind have always going faraway from the everyday’s reality.I think human’s consciousness is a tragedy, especially our human’s imaginations.It’s really depressing to realize that reality will never be able to match our imaginations and wildest fantasy. And I’m not talking about the typical, mundane, boring imaginations/dreams/fantasy that are still grounded in our everyday’s real-world/real-life/reality. I’m talking about the most creative, imaginative works of art like for example in novels, games, books, comic books, movies, anime/manga, etc etc.I have always think that the real future of humanity/mankind is when finally we will able to perfectly match our reality into our imagination. That’s why I’m quite crazy & obsessed with concepts and technology like Virtual Reality (VR), Artificial Intelligence (AI), & also Transhumanism concept. I have always wish that I could take a part in all those big, huge projects in order to really advance humanity/mankind, not in the typical, usual mundane ways that we all often read & hear in the news, but I’m talking like taking a big, huge leap/jump to make a real progress.But sadly, in reality, I’m still living with my parents, almost jobless/unemployed, still single, and I’m also really bad at the everyday’s “practical” matters & daily tasks, errands, & social interactions with most people. I’m a total loser & useless failure. My parents always worry about me so much (you know the typical usual Asian Chinese parents), but I’ve been depressed (severely?) & even also suicidal nowadays, because I’m thinking what’s the point?
Seriously, what’s the point of living, if I fail all my dreams (& potentials)? If I still can’t find any way to reach my dreams and big visions? If all I have to do, the only thing I have to do in this life, is just to “be realistic”, “accept reality” as it is, and just simply say “well that’s life, that’s just the way it is”, just like everyone else? In fact, I often feel like an alien not from this world, because my mind is so different from all other people/humans that I see everyday around me. I know that I have automatically lose to these ‘normal’ people, that I can never be ‘normal’, yet unfortunately, it is as if I am always still being forced & pressured to “be normal” by my parents, friends, society, & people around me.
How can I not be depressed, feel hopeless, empty, feeling that everything is meaningless/pointless, & suicidal?
4 comments
I’m sorry. I understand your way of thinking. You’re not alone in that regard. I hope you get to be apart of that big picture you dream of.
The purpose of life is, quite simply, to live it. That being said there is absolutely nothing wrong with postulating; however, if the search for the answer is preventing you from seeing and doing the very answer in which you speak… well, I’m sure whenever it said that way I do not need to point out to you why that is, in and of itself, a self-created problem.
Also, and as much as this pains me to say, unfortunately not all questions have answers and instead only offer lessons to be discovered; though, again… If you are too consumed with the question to self you rob yourself of the opportunity to learn the lesson.
I assume at this point you can see why the largest detriment to great minds is stagnation. It doesn’t matter what you do so long as you’re doing something, and in the process you can look for the answers and take part in the things you enjoy along the way if you so choose.
Lastly, as far as any of us know we only get one shot at this living life thing, so as hard as it may be to accept it doesn’t matter what other people think of you. What matters is what you think of you because whenever all is said and done you’re the one left looking at the person you had become (or lack thereof) before the last curtain falls. live your life for you in such a way that you could be proud of it so you can lay your head down proudly. Nobody can fault you for living your life trying to be the best version of yourself, and if they do that’s their problem not yours; haha.
Keep On keepin On. You’ve got this. I have faith.
Anyone who’s got an awesome job, making a million bucks, livin’ the good life will ultimately, like every other animal, die ignorant of the answers to the mystery of existence. So don’t be too hard on yourself for losing the rat race. Here’s a role model for ya : https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diogenes
Im also a musician. Or at least, I like to think so. Titles are meaningful to us I guess. What instrument(s) do you play? I’d love to geek talk about music if you’d ever want to!