niki

I used to be a nihilist (and even still somewhat do sometimes, when necessary or required to be). But as the time goes by, and I get much older now (I’m almost 40), and seeing the reality of our world, society, life, & existence, I’ve now turned into a pessimist (not just a simple pessimist, but more into philosophical pessimism, you can google & look it up if you want).

Nowadays lately, I’ve noticed that a lot of people mostly got into what’s called an “Optimistic Nihilism”. But I strongly disagree. And here is my main argument:

Unless if you’re lucky or fortunate, […]

In this life, some people will be winners, and some people will be losers. So how about the losers? There are also many people in this world who eventually committed suicide. So does this mean that some people are just not meant for this world?

A lot of people will just abandon you at your worst. Sadly true reality.

I don’t get the logic when people say life is hard, yet we are not allowed to complain, just grin our teeth, suck it up, etc. Worse is when people force themselves to always be positive, optimistic, & happy, at all costs. That’s a cognitive dissonance, that’s why it feels weird.

In life, it’s much more easier for everything to be destroyed (sickness, accidents, death, job losses, family losses, & even just one wrong decision can even destroy our lives, etc etc etc), whereas it often takes so much efforts, time, & even hardships to build something. So, it’s clear that sufferings outweigh pleasure.

And plus, just look at our world. Ever heard of the richest 1% control over 99% of world’s resources (& even people around the world)? How is this ever fair, or justifiable? If you think about it, that means most people will just only “living to […]

It really hurts that most people still ignore me as if i don’t exist anymore. It makes me even much more depressed now, spiraling downward to the lowest point. And to be very honest, it makes me also even more suicidal, it’s like my life & my existence doesn’t have any worth/value anymore, and that’s very depressing and it’s NOT easy at all.

Is all my mistakes really that bad, that most people now just can’t forgive me anymore? Even when i’ve already tried? I’ve tried to say hi first, I’ve tried to be warm & nice again, I’ve tried almost EVERYTHING, but WHY people are […]

this cold, cruel, unforgiving world & people makes me depressed & suicidal

I am severely depressed & suicidal. I feel so alone, nobody cares, even if I die.
I’m 38 years old loser & failure. Maybe better to just die.

Life can be so cruel for some people. I’ve just lost my gf of 3-years relationship, due to stage 4 breast cancer. I’ve accompanied her until she passed-away in just only 1 month last August, since she was diagnosed with the stage 4 cancer. The worst reality for me personally is that her death just coincided two days right after my birthday (26th August).

I’ve actually been diagnosed with severe depression; and not only that, but also most likely I’ve had severe anxiety, anhedonia, depersonalization, existential crisis/depression, etc etc, and even suicidal too. Added to all of these with a sense of failure & regrets at […]

…. if humanity is hopeless, if we are fragile, fallible, & hopeless mostly, and if what’s left is only a cold, harsh, cruel, bleak, stupid, meaningless / pointless, & depressing reality / life / society / world / existence, then why keep living? For what purpose? What is the point?

I’ve considered myself a pessimist now, and I’m 38 years old. To be honest, it leads me to being severely depressed & suicidal; there is not a single day now where I don’t think of death, and even suicide personally. Everything (or most of the time) just seems depressing. There are honestly only very few/little things in this life/world that interests me now, and even they’re easily crushed soon by reality. It’s depressing. And constantly reading about pessimism philosophy even reinforces how depressing this existence really is. Although admittedly, my pessimistic outlook were perhaps mostly & originally also caused by what I’ve considered myself & […]

…and that’s depressing (at least to me personally), when you then finally realized that basically everyday all we’re doing is just small, mundane, insignificant ordinary life. Nothing more. It all just seems so pointless & meaningless, like there is no point in the end, and in the grand scheme of everything (let alone in this vast universe). It’s what causing the existential depression in me, and it can get really bad to the point that I’m also feeling suicidal almost everyday, due to all the meaninglessness.