Love is the worst feeling.

So I’m someone whose really gentle with others, maybe a little bit too much sometimes, and I’m also very shy, I also went through a period of bullying, which was resolved last year thanks to a girl I loved and with whom we got along very well, one day everything broke and then got repaired and so on, the problem is that I’m at fault, I wanted to get things done too much, now I’m afraid to talk with anyone, so I found comfort in the alcohol but one day a friend of mine told me that she was going out with someone when she told me that if nothing was happening between us it was because she wanted to wait, that she was not ready, she lied to me, I felt betrayed, I started mutilating my arms again, hitting my face and thighs, the worst part of it all is that I want to see her again even knowing that any love relationship is impossible, I just wanted us to be happy, finally I just destroyed my life until I became sick and vomited almost every morning in class, I just wanted to be loved by the person I love. I want to end this suffering, I want to get better but a voice in my head tells me every night to end my life, I can’t take it anymore, I want to live happily, that’s all.