That’s okay, man. Funny how they talk of faith as a switch that just needs to be turned on. I’ve tried too, but some tunnels just don’t lead to the light.
When people used to tell me to “have faith” I almost always assumed it meant religion. I hated it, and I ignored it. Over the years I began to realize just how many people had a little piece of them invested in me. It took me years to realize that having faith didn’t mean that I had to believe in God, or a higher power, just that in certain circumstances I needed to believe in myself. Which is something I’ve never done in the first act of my living. I think anymore whenever I started to believe in myself, it was more or less a “fuck it”, what do I have to lose.. So I faked it till I made something of it. I realized that I found a piece of me because my lifelong anxieties held me back. I’ve been so low in my life that i’ve hurt myself in ways I still hate to talk about. I’m glad I said fuck it and tried somethinn new because it lead me to some important people in my little life. It lead me to another version of myself that i’m still trying to calibrate.
It’s never too late to find something worth living for, until some external reason gives you no other option otherwise.
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That’s okay, man. Funny how they talk of faith as a switch that just needs to be turned on. I’ve tried too, but some tunnels just don’t lead to the light.
I’ve been thinking about how Tom Araya of Slayer is a Catholic lately.
When people used to tell me to “have faith” I almost always assumed it meant religion. I hated it, and I ignored it. Over the years I began to realize just how many people had a little piece of them invested in me. It took me years to realize that having faith didn’t mean that I had to believe in God, or a higher power, just that in certain circumstances I needed to believe in myself. Which is something I’ve never done in the first act of my living. I think anymore whenever I started to believe in myself, it was more or less a “fuck it”, what do I have to lose.. So I faked it till I made something of it. I realized that I found a piece of me because my lifelong anxieties held me back. I’ve been so low in my life that i’ve hurt myself in ways I still hate to talk about. I’m glad I said fuck it and tried somethinn new because it lead me to some important people in my little life. It lead me to another version of myself that i’m still trying to calibrate.
It’s never too late to find something worth living for, until some external reason gives you no other option otherwise.
Peace n love.