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Just feel like a zombie on auto pilot

by ninjii206
  • In feb of this year i cut my radial artery in my wrist. I just lost my best friend my twin flame my guy. Never got to say goodbye or sorry. I have had many suicide atrempts unfortunately but this one amd the one previous should have been the last. I dont remember doing it i just remember holding my arm i realizing it was bad cause it was squirting like in the movies. . My first thought was not to get help it was to proceed to get into the bath tub and let it happen. Not sure how much time passed but i felt myself getting weaker. I could heqr my cousin in other room getting ready for her date. I eneded up calling her into bathroom only cause i couldn’t bear the fact of her finding me hours later in the blood horror ahow in my bathroom. . I received emergency surgery and told the heqd doctor the next day that my other personality that tkes over sometimes did it. Told her me personally the one shes speaking to didnt but i have a new issue on top of my bipolar and they call it dissociative disorder so i kinda blqck out. The hospital released me within 12 hours of major surgery with no counsling or mental health check. Since then i literally have just been coasting by on auto pilot. Not sure how i have kept a job or not burned down my house. I was teying to die and no one person reached out to just be an ear to talk to or a hug when i was at my lowest. Not sure why im posting this. Maybe cause im pretty low tonight and it just hurts to never be seen. I dont want attention but . . Yeah i dont k ow what it is i want or need. I just k ow its not this life
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2 comments

Phrygea 10/22/2020 - 5:18 pm

Wow, the ER was very irresponsible. At the very least they should’ve referred you to a mental healthcare facility where you could’ve voluntarily checked yourself in. You seem to be sending out all the distress signals, asking for help, showing that you need help, but people are failing you. One suggestion: can you google “free mental healthcare near me”? In many areas there are nonprofit groups that provide a safe place to stay and get counseling. If it’s a private group (not government run) then they can also ensure your privacy, nobody ever has to know you went. Please give it a thought, or at least google to find what your options are. I’m sorry you have it so bad, and the symptoms you’ve described are very serious. Someone needs to help you because this is the kind of thing you can’t beat on your own.

Itscolourlife 10/22/2020 - 10:20 pm

I always want to cut my wrist that bad but its always ended up not that bad cut not that many blood. I actually respect you a lot. I failed 2 attempts and my 3rd attempt should be succesful.

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