Komm, süsser Tod

Death comes for us all, at present I see no profit in hastening it coming for me. I don’t feel now, and honestly it is pretty great. I was mad, lost, sad, all that horrible stuff. Yet, at the end of the road, you can become so tired that even sadness takes too much energy.

I have a deep and enduring hatred of the way things are, and that they have stolen much of the things that once brought me joy. I disagree, the large amount of humanity does not enjoy or even care about our pain. My death would silence my voice of opposition to things as the are; the people who I despise the most would profit from my death.

All is meaningless, the only meaning there ever was is that which we believed so. I’m kind of over believing in anything firmly enough to make a drastic change for it. When I am convinced that things can be better, I approach it with methodical determination and don’t stop until I either get it or determine there is a more profitable course of action.

Not giving methods, not encouraging; death is coming, if you desire it faster there are multiple paths in that direction. I personally would take a dangerous job if I really wanted to die. Accident and probability are far more reliable methods of death than attempting to bring it about via contraption or chemicals.

I don’t think you are a failure, you’ve found a significant amount of things that don’t work. Assuming you can compile meaningful info from that, it wasn’t meaningless. Trial and error, tis the only way any of us know anything that works, and anything that doesn’t. It seems like you seek significance, for something that you do to matter, if so, chase that. Suicide won’t do it. If you want to be invisible, to be left alone, there is a path to that as well. What I think is the struggle in either case is that there is no immediate solution. Even death creates more work for someone else, not a clean solution for anything at all.