I don’t know what to write really. I guess I just want to get some feelings out. This won’t be written in any order that makes sense I just want to put all my thoughts down. I recently started cutting myself as a way to cope with my problems. I always felt an empty nothingness inside my heart, it feels like a bottomless pit. Every time I cut myself, the feeling goes away. It must be the dopamine or adrenaline rush but it feels good. Honestly, I don’t want to feel anything. Anger, love, pride, sorrow, I don’t want to feel ANY of it. I just want to die. My life has been a complete downward spiral and nothing is ever going to change. Everyone always tells me things will get better but I FUCKING KNOW IT WON’T. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE THINGS WILL GET BETTER?? IT’S BEEN LIKE THIS FOR ALL THE YEARS I’VE BEEN ALIVE. I’M TIRED OF IT ALL AND I JUST WANT TO DIE. I’m tired of all the fucking lies. “I love you”. “I care about you”. “I need you”. All bullshit. They pity me and just want me to suffer. Everyone loves seeing me suffer. They never fucking cared about me. I don’t fucking matter and I’m FUCKING AWARE. They keep lying and lying just to fucking torment me. I’ll end it all with my death. I’ve attempted twice (and failed obviously because that’s what I am, a failure) but my next attempt will be my last. I’m sorry for the long rant. Most of it is probably rambling, incoherent bullshit but I just needed to get this off my chest.