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little victories

by system

i functioned today.  I sat at my desk instead of sitting in my bed.  I drank more water than usual.  I brushed my hair.  I’ll probably write more later when I have the time to focus on my feelings.

 

feb. 7th 2021 – 3:16 am

it’s night time now (i date my posts based on the site’s time, not my timezone).  this is when the bad thoughts get worse.  I have too much time to think, there is too much silence.  my appetite has been small, and i haven’t been eating enough food that is nutritionally meaningful.  ive eaten rice (haven’t even finished it) for a couple days now.  im in a weird position where im hungry but nothing sounds appetizing and i just don’t want to eat.  i’ve never had an unhealthy relationship with food, so im assuming this is just depression appetite (it happens a lot for me).  im trying my best to keep working on assignments, but my meds have worn off and its hard to focus now (I have really bad adhd).  im hoping I can get another assignment done.  i don’t know if my brain will let me concentrate on schoolwork for more than 20 min at this point in the day.

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3 comments

a1957 2/6/2021 - 11:51 pm

This is beautiful, really.

Outland 2/7/2021 - 5:12 am

I’m glad you’re trying, 20 minutes a day is still something, i have trouble focusing on my work too, but I accumulate the time I spend at the end of the week and think of it like that.

Once 2/7/2021 - 9:46 pm

Congrats on every small victory. There will be more, and hopefully you can keep pushing. Fighting the thoughts is a battle. They can’t hurt you if you recognize them as bad and can find a way around them, but I know that’s much easier said than done.

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