I’m young, and some people might think that i haven’t known real pain. I’m turning 19 this year and life isn’t going good. My depression first started years ago when my parents degraded me, even calling me a moron for not doing well in my exam. I was humiliated so i started to do well in my next exams and i did well in highschool. It wasn’t enough for them, they still degraded me even when i got an above average result. I got an offer to enter a uni but i got rejected, probably i wasn’t good enough for them. I don’t have enough money to go to private uni so that’s that. Anyway, i am starting to understand that no matter how hard “i” try, I’ll never be enough for anyone especially not my parents. I don’t want to hate them but they are one reason why i am depressed.
Sorry if my English is bad.
Believe me. I wanted it to get better. I believed everything would get better. I have been delaying my death because i want to try keeping on going. But it didn’t get better. I’d rather not live as a NEET or shut in or a failure. I’m tired of failing and failing and my parents comparing me with my successful sisters. I tried and tried and tried so hard but i always fail in the end. I don’t believe in God but if he does exist he really hates me.
Next Sunday, 14/3/2021, i will end my life. My depression, my failure as a person and family constantly making me feel worse and me being bored of life would be the reason. I’m not even scared anymore. I thought of ways to do it but i decide I’m going to drown. I don’t need help or people saying don’t do it or even helpline. I just want to say goodbye.