Unknown Sadness

I feel awful all the time and I don’t know why. Nothing seems real anymore, its like I never truly feel anything. Even when I interact with people in my life, it all seems like my experiences mean nothing to me anymore, instead everything seems so hollow (even though it seems like nothings changed.) I spend most of my days studying, exercising and reminiscing on past experiences for they felt so much more meaningful and REAL. Yet I don’t understand why I feel this way, I haven’t lost anyone nor have any major circumstances changed since then, so why I do feel so empty now. Fuck, even now (to the only people whom I ever really express the way I feel) I’m struggling to express how I feel. All my relationships feel hollow, even with my girlfriend it seems I’m never really finding any true feeling when I speak to her, but I’m too afraid to admit it in case she reads it as me losing love for her. But regardless, its seeping into the way I treat her. I hardly call her and even when I do its out of care for her rather than really wanting to be in her company, I still love the people in my life, that much is certain, but even still no interaction feels true. I hate this feeling, I barely understand how to express it and yet it seems so obvious. None of my old hobbies interest me anymore, I used to fish and play basketball regularly and never felt more satisfied and happy, yet now when I give either a try, I only feel a hollow shell of the joy they used to give me followed by a nostalgic sadness and confusion about why I can’t get them same enjoyment anymore. I can’t talk to my parents. I have always believed that family is meaningless and the people I truly care about are the people I CHOOSE, I have very little relationship with my mum and I don’t see my dad often enough to get one nor do I want one. I can’t remember a time I last had a meaningful conversation with my immediate family yet now I feel empty from all interactions.