Depression.
I don’t use that word a lot and it is ironic because it describes my whole being. I still deny it now because of the train of words that it Carries in society [Attention seeker; influenced; unappreciative; ill]

I’d like to think none of the words describe my state rn. I don’t think anything describes my state. I’m utterly numb; I don’t choose to be sad but I plainly am. I know I’m sad because nothing excite me anymore; everything just seems to be a passer of time. I do my best to make people believe I’m okay; because I don’t want any attention.  Everything triggers me and being alive rn feels like wearing a gas mask filled with oxygen.  It is like being forced to breathe, to wake up, to talk.

I want to disappear into nothingness. To simply disappear without going to an alternate universe or my energy being transformed to another energy. I want to simply disappear fully, not in an almost way where I end up in hospital and I’m questioned (why or how) ; just a definite disappea. No goodbyes No Explanations