One of the most puzzling things to me is that people show up at memorials and cemeteries with flowers, and they talk to the plaque or headstone. What’s the fucking point there? You’re only talking to yourself, those remains can’t hear you. Those remains can’t appreciate the flowers either.
I think most people are in denial about the fact that they are going to die someday. It is the reason the concept of the afterlife appeals to them, a “better place” makes it easier to say goodbye. Not implying that is true or not, just the social consequences. I think everyone carries around quite a bit of regret. I know that I do. Other people are better at ignoring it, or doing things that only deal with the surface and not the substance of the problem. Loss in the way that humans experience it is one of our most defining features. Animals may feel similar things, but they move on so much better that I wonder if their brains are better adapted.
A few days ago my wife and I went to the zoo. It was a really fun day, even though my wife wasn’t as interested in neurophysiology as I. The largest difference between humans and apes is connections between the hemispheres of the brain. The closer related an ape is, the more connections they have. Most animals don’t have much linkage at all. I think that is why they can move on so well. Right brain is the part that is more responsible for processing emotions. Sort of the garbage collector of the mind. Those interlinks with left brain are why you can feel so sad you can’t use logic. Left brain is involved in abstract thought.
So, watching the animals, I had an almost biblical thought; consider the chimps. Do they have jobs? Not in the formal sense that humans do. Yet, they live a full and rich life. Maybe we are the source of our own misery. All relaxation methods involve quieting the mind. Which is a more friendly sounding phrase than shutting down self referential thoughts, becoming deaf to the screams of your own mind.
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Relaxation schemes for other species involve sleep which is a method of shutting off thoughts. Elephants love getting drunk. I don’t think humans are unique in that regard.
About loss, I disagree entirely. Loss is felt just as keenly by other animals. No complex life I’ve ever observed long term has the capacity to deal with loss emotionlessly. I’ve watched a dog grow and be abandoned by his mother, and pine for her endlessly, then grow into loneliness, then make a friend, and then turn into a carbon copy of his mother in terms of behaviour. I’ve seen fish literally wallow in the pits of misery when their mates pass, and watched them reject continually any effort to replace their friends until they’re ready to move on, which is by no means soon for a species with a lifespan of 4 years. Elephants, of course, mourn their dead, and recall their dead even years after the fact. And humans deal with loss the same. They mourn, and after a time, they find the strength to pick themselves up and move on. Loss is a fact of the human condition. And the ability of people to keep going, leaving the dead in past seems just as brave to me as any other species.