I shouldnt even be typing this with the fear that hes watching me…. I hope thats just paranoia….
I plan on having 1 more therapy appointment. As much as i hate to, im pushing forward with life and i really dont know why. Thing is, my friend is suppose to meet me there.
The problem?
Where the fuck do i begin.
I guess a good place to start is the first sentence. I dont want to know what my husbands going to say, it honestly scares me…..but thats why i have to do this, right? Because i shouldnt be living like this? I cant let him find out. I just pray its me thats the problem.
(Hollow by Icon for Hire
“…But if I’m really being honest
I kinda hope there’s something wrong with me
I kind hope this isn’t how it’s supposed to be…)
But its not even that. If need be i can handle that. I have before. The biggest thing for me is im not who i was the last time he saw me… And he knows im not… He knows my darkest secrets that no one else knows and no one else will. He says he doesnt see me differently. I know hes telling the truth, i can see it in his actions. Or hes one hell of a damn good liar, but i dont think so. (Of course i do have that fear that life is just one big joke and im the punch line, but that aside.) Just the thought of seeing him makes me feel sick. And he knows this. Theres very, very, very, very, VERY little that he doesnt know.
I wish i never told him anything :'( (and he knows that too…)