i dont understand. am i missing something? you cant not care. your words say you dont believe me though…….

“If you want to ruin your life and keep going down till you kill yourself. you would of gotten rid of me a long time ago”

so i told him he was right. i told him i should go. have i blocked him many times before in the past, yes. but he even recently pointed out that i was acting weird. “ill be waiting”….. dont get me wrong its nice but i basically said i have to go kill myself and your answer is “ill be waiting”? are you not concerned that this time i wont come back? of course how could you know the seriousness of it if i havent been telling you anything, then that goes back to, but you even pointed out that i was acting weird. how can you not know when youve said it yourself?

this aside maybe i didnt leave for a reason. maybe i wanted you to be ok with things so it wouldnt hurt so much. to have an understanding, to be at peace with the decision that ultimately, isnt yours. and my decision has been made. it feels wrong to ask you to be ok with my death, but i cant place why it feels wrong. im the one hurting. i cant handle living, why are you making me. i cant handle it, i cant do it.

everything down to my personality is a disorder. i have disorders PILING on top of each other, example i have separation anxiety AND abandonment issues. when you start to have so many problems that you have problems that are basically the same, its a bit much.  every day is filled with triggers and nuances. every minute is filled with memories i dont want.
living just isnt for everyone, and its not for me….