I’m doing a bit better. I always have to keep that sentiment grounded; most days I mask pretty hard, to look like I’m doing well, when I’m just holding on…. not sure if that’s fair either. The point is, I got a very small amount of positive movement;
Friday I saw my prescribing doctor, and we collectively decided to introduce another anti anxiety, two days in I feel better mood wise.
I was able to hold it together for my wife’s birthday, important because her dad always lets her down, she needs my support more during holidays. This is in spite of a few awful moments that I managed to deal with while keeping masking up.
Today I came up with something I feel, the closest to hope in a long time. I’m thinking about going to graduate school, taking a degree in math, teaching, and just disassociating from my former life of inference and guesswork. My #1 choice school will wave application fees, and advertising the single page application as a feature. This is an R1 University, one with some of the best research funding in the country.
Ah, wouldn’t it be lovely? The department has daily tea time together, that’s my idea of an academic institution!
It may or may not be
dare I dream such for me?
Alas, I don’t know,
is it hope? or just me?
1 comment
You probably already know this, but “you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take”. If you miss, it won’t be that bad. I mean, the application is that much work is it? I’m only a freshman in college though. It still sucks to get rejected, in anything, even if you didn’t expect much.