As anyone who is depressed knows…being social is very hard while depressed. When i’m in public i often feel very depressed…especially when it seems like people are having the time of their life and i’m here being depressed wondering what’s wrong with me…why can’t i enjoy life. This thought can cause me drift off completely…it kind of feels like an out of body experience. And not to mention feeling extra-extra irritable and wanting to avoid people while in public.
Today i went clubbing, which was hard for me to do. My best friend asked me to come along and i thought i’d give it a try despite being depressed. It took considerable effort to enjoy myself. While standing on the dance floor i felt myself drift off mentally thinking about how unhappy i am, all while being surrounded by bright lights, people dancing and loud music.
My depression makes me want to withdraw into nothingness (literally). For me withdrawal is usually the first step to acting on my suicidal thoughts. At that point i get to a deeply lonely state, feeling like i have nothing to life for and it’s just me desperately wanting to release the pain that i’ve carried for years.
2 comments
As a person who has been in school for several years. I think I understand your pain. I remember every time I would hang out with my friends, I had to hide my depression from them, I didn’t want them to, get sad or have my depression leach on them. It’s not fair that they feel this pain. I hope you will be able to read this.
I hide everything behind a smile. it’s the only way I have gotten as far as I have. before you give up on your time, just try the same trick. Try to deny your brain everything it feels. if you do so, you’ll go from depressed to numb. in a numb state, you will be able to live longer and find help before it’s too late.