Ugly

That’s just what echoes in my head. People/parents/friends/former didn’t left and that was the saddest part . Remember the day when I used to have panic attack and my parents dragged me to get on my ass. My mom exactly knew when I would shout back and thanks her for conferencing with all my family members(uncle/aunt/grandmother) and just waiting for the moment to trigger me to shout back and say them to leave me alone. Nice team you got with all your saddist/narcissistic friends. Been a looser/pathetic. My soulmate left. Just murmers inside my head. I am left with no purpose atleast I want to die with dignity. There alive numb me, legs paralized moving forward just to die. Just to die in a place I want to be. Leaving some wealth to one’s I love, not my respected parents ofc. God, I loved you so much, but the pain ain’t worth too much. I have been lucky sometimes, dossing those anti depressents and survive in numbness but what my dose is over. It was already over long ago. Been listening voice inside me, guiding me towards the light. That’s what I used to think, it ain’t god, it’s just sick me. oh my ugly English.
Idk what I write but yeah I’ll just post. It’s just numb me. I love you all. I just want to hug you so tight. Feel the warmth deep insdie. God, I love you guys so much. I just need to hug and cry out loud. Like a small baby I want to sleep. Someone to hold my hands. Just hugs that’s all I need.