Endless Suicidal Thoughts

Like you I’m in big pain. I feel like a real failure, I’m middle-aged and no career to speak of, money situation never good, it’s getting harder and harder to connect with people, I’ve no friends, seems I can’t do many things right. My family on the other hand is all about real success stories, they’ve always been popular and well-liked, had notable careers, went to ivy schools… But not me, I haven’t been able to achieve any of that in my life. My anxiety and depression have always taken control of me in the end.

I have pretty much given up on myself. And I would have seriously considered ending my life (though the suicidal thoughts never end) if it weren’t for my daughters. They’re the reason I’m still alive. I feel I have nothing left to live for, save for my children. I could never hurt them by taking my own life, I could never do that to them. I love them very much and they love me too. They’re my only blessing and the only thing I have done right in my life, as I see them healthy, happy, strong and successful in their own dreams. (I’m glad I was able to learn from my pain and mistakes to help them do better.)

I guess what I’m trying to say here is, when you feel suicidal, think of how losing you could devastate your loved ones. And if you don’t have loved ones or feel that they wouldn’t care, please consider my testimony. When someone needs you, you have something to live for. Not career or financial success, popularity and all that stuff we are supposed to believe in and strive for make the real difference (we all know of highly successful people who have committed suicide). What matters is to be there for someone who needs you. If you haven’t that person in your life now, don’t worry or give up. We all need each other, really. It’s just finding that person who you can help make a difference in their life, whoever they may be. This has been the only purpose and meaning in my (otherwise totally failed) life, enough to have kept me alive all these years. Be there for someone who needs you. Our suffering only makes us stronger and more understanding to make a real difference.