I’m recovering emotionally, but never have I felt more psychotic. Things I say and think don’t make sense and don’t line up, there’s a white blur constantly occupying my skull, my vision is decreasing quickly, the sudden sensations i get while thinking about certain topics…they’re not headaches, I can’t even feel them that surely, but they hurt and my reaction to them are that of a crazy person. I can’t see a single future out there where I can go back to normality, I’m destroying everyone’s lives, I’m a walking plague. How do you deal with the fact that everything you do is wrong? Wrong? Wrong? I can’t control anything anymore, freedom isn’t desirable, but I am consciously losing my mind I can feel it. I’m recovering emotionally…….I’m getting better……I’m not tired…………I’m okay…………..and I actually feel that way…….I’m so lonely….and weaker every day, losing and winning the fight at the same time. I just don’t want my family members to kill themselves. Acting like a therapist for others, telling them my current experiences… “but don’t worry, I’m getting better! It’s nothing compared to your pain!”

that’s what they all want to hear, right? and she says she’s envious of me, that I’m in a better place, thank you, some day I wake up and slap myself in the face, in hopes that the world would hate me less.