i feel like i should just give up.
just move in and bury it all deep down and try to be ‘normal’. just tell him “you made me so happy all my problems are gone”.
i have so many problems he’s going to know that’s bullsh**.
i hate being different. i hate being me.
i feel worse trying to hide it….. ill just cut more and try to get more weed and booze, maybe idk…. i wont have a job just what he makes….. i cant use his money for that sh*t….but i hate living sober
talking about it just makes me feel bad and regretful though….
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I remember when I had gone through a break up with my second ex, I could have fallen the path of drinking. I did drink, but to only get buzz. It nulled my feeling temporary, but I ended up feeling sad again when it wore off. During our hardest times on life, we learn on other stuff like weed. cigs, drugs, and alcohol. Though it helps tempory, it’s what causes is to continue to use those things to null the pain. I’m not a cutter, but I can only say you fo it to feel something. I know what it’s like to feel numb. It’s a very scary thing. You can feel like a lifeless zombie. I would suggest doing the stuff you once had fun doing. Like favorite hobbies, but it’s not easy to get back into them. If anything, I would say music is what has help me. Even though it doesn’t always work, I try anyway. Perhaps maybe you need to vent on what’s going on. I hope you find a way to pull though. Won’t be a easy journey, but it’s something to give a shot at.
actually its the other way around. i have bpd so i have extreme emotions. all i do is feel things.
knowing me ill talk to him about things even though i “dont want to”.
i was actually reading about things to do instead of cutting. one option was basically massaging your arm instead of cutting it. so i showed him the idea and said id like to try that.
honestly im a little surprised i havent shown him this. i show him most things.
I shouldn’t even let it get that far. I hate myself and I always will. I’m better off killing myself……
Yeah I have BPD too. The emotions can be hard to control. It’s like a switch and just automatically happens. I’m assuming this guy is ur bf? How I would kill to have a significant other. Does his presence help you with what ur dealing with?
Technically yes. I’m actually married but it’s really toxic for me so he’s helping me out.
It sort of helps.
It helps in one way because I’d probably be gone by now if not for him, I have nothing…
I find it a hindrance in another way because I have lot of problems and I feel like I’m not good enough. Like I’m better off dead he just doesn’t know.
But he really wants to help me, we were actually talking about therapy earlier.
Therapy would be good. It could be possible that he doesn’t understand what you’re going through. It’s nice to have someone that cares though. I feel you’re in a deep hole that you cant get out of. To even say, you’re reaching your critical point. It’s good you’re seeking help though. Do you take meds at all? Here’s my email if u need someone to talk to. morganb58@yahoo.com.
He wants me to go to therapy. I don’t really want to but agreed because my problems are so…. Complex? Deep? That he and I, or me and anyone for that matter, could never work.
I’m suppose to be on buspar. I think it might be finally wearing off though. It just feels so…. Ugh…. Just, physically and emotionally wearing to take meds. After awhile you feel disgust about them.
Yeah, that’s why I’m tapering off my anti depressant slowly. Makes you feel like a zombie. Well therapy might help. It might not. It’s not for everyone. In the end, it’s up to you what road you choose. Whether you keep up the fight or be completely swallowed by the darkness for eternity. I know what it’s like to suffer to that point. Though the people who took their own lives, were really hurting. They couldn’t get away from the pain. I can relate to that when they made that final decision.
I remember reading about this one person that cycled they’re meds. They had 3 meds (x, y, z) and it would be like
Mon – x
Tues – y
Wed – z
Thurs – x
Ect…
I have no idea how they could have possibly figured out that system was for them but maybe something like that could work…
For me where I have a lower tolerance to meds (therefor the effects last longer) maybe it wouldn’t hurt to take it for a week and then take a week to give myself a break of something like that.